about Dane’s injured hand and everything had been undone. It was a cruel reminder that a couple of orgasms wouldn’t change Dane’s low opinion of him.
Jax went to the living room towards the dreaded couch but stopped when he saw Dane sitting on the bottom step of the stairs. He couldn’t make out his features since there were no lights on except for the tiny night light plugged in just below the bannister.
“There’s an extra room upstairs.”
“Couch is fine,” Jax muttered.
“I heard it’s uncomfortable.”
Hearing Dane’s attempt at humor did nothing but piss Jax off further and he moved past the man and headed for the couch, pulling his gun free of his pants and placing it on the coffee table.
“I slammed my hand into the mirror at Callan’s ranch. I did it on purpose.”
Jax stiffened but didn’t turn around. Dane’s voice was closer so he assumed the man was just a few feet behind him now.
“None of my business,” Jax responded, proud of how even his voice sounded.
“I couldn’t stand the sight of myself after Rhys told me what really happened during the shooting.” Dane’s voice sounded broken again – like it had that day. Even now, Jax wanted to take that pain away.
“It doesn’t matter, Dane. It’s done.”
But Dane continued like he hadn’t even spoken.
“My father used to call me a pussy, among other things. But pussy was his favorite. I was small and skinny and terrible at sports and I didn’t have a lot of friends. I thought maybe if I just tried harder then maybe I’d be good enough. So I did. I worked out, studied more, joined the football team. But it still wasn’t enough. He said JV Varsity wasn’t as good as Varsity so I made Varsity. Then Varsity wasn’t as good as getting scouted by a top pick school. Being president of the student council didn’t really count if the only other guy running was even more of a loser than me and graduating with honors didn’t matter if I wasn’t Valedictorian.”
Jax clenched his fists but he forced himself to remain quiet.
“I left after I graduated but I guess the damage had already been done because no matter how many things I succeeded at, all I could see when I looked in the mirror was everything he said I was – weak, pathetic, worthless-”
“You are none of those things,” Jax finally said as he turned around. Dane had moved closer to him but he’d maneuvered himself behind an arm chair as if needing to keep a buffer zone between them.
“It kept happening with the few men who were interested in having a relationship with me and by the time things ended, I barely even recognized myself anymore. After Isaac, I swore that I wouldn’t let it happen again. But that voice is still there – the one that keeps telling me I’ll never be good enough and sometimes it’s really hard to tune it out. Like yesterday at the ranch when I realized how badly I treated you.” Dane fell silent and then finally looked up at Jax.
“The truth is you scare the hell out of me, Jax. But you’re also a reminder of the man I’ll never be – strong, honorable, brave, loyal, kind.”
“Dane…”
“I did judge you for the way you handled the man who took your brother’s life. But I know now that if Rollins had succeeded in taking Emma from me, I would have done anything – anything - to end his life.”
Dane hung his head for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry if I made you feel like I was better than you because the exact opposite is true. You saved Emma’s life. If you hadn’t been there…”
Jax heard Dane choke back a sob and he automatically started moving towards the other man. But Dane’s hand came up to stop him and he stepped back.
“Don’t. Please.” The desperation in Dane’s voice kept him back. “The guest room is the one next to Emma’s. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Jax dropped down onto the couch and buried his head in his hands. Seeing Dane so wounded was ripping him to shreds but what
Rebecca Hamilton, Conner Kressley