says, quickly pulling back panting. “Wait, just a minute.”
“What?” I reply in frustration. What the hell is he playing at now?
“Do you really want to know what I do?” He asks, with a seriousness in his voice.
I gulp down a massive ball of emotion, wondering what the hell I’m supposed to say now. Of course I desperately want to know, but at the same time I’m afraid. I know it isn’t going to be good and I’m terrified that it will change everything.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Tell me.”
My whole body begins shaking and I wrap my arms tighter around me, as I wait for him to speak once more.
“I am in the mafia,” he tells me honestly. “I have been ever since we broke up. I live a life of crime, and it isn’t always pretty.”
“What?” I gasp, sliding backwards. “What the hell are you saying?” Although I always suspected that it would be something along those lines, it’s terrifying to have it confirmed. I cannot actually believe that this guy – a man that I’ve always loved – is the absolute worst version of himself.
“I have to tell you now before we get into this thing too deep. You need to know everything, to understand before we go any further with this. That’s who I am now, and if you can’t handle that, then we both need to know now.”
Can I handle it? I wonder, staring into his eyes. I already know for a fact that if it was anyone else saying these things to me, I would be gone like a shot, but it isn’t just anyone. It’s Marco Fabbri – the one that got away, the love of my life, the one that I spent days fantasizing about marrying.
Now he’s here, and I have a shot, but I don't know what to do.
“I... I have to go,” I finally spit out, standing up. “This is... it’s crazy. I need some time to think.”
“Right,” he replies quietly, throwing his head into his hands. “Of course you do.”
My head is screaming at me to go, but my heart is tugging at me, wanting me to stay. In the end, the rational side of me wins out, and I find myself practically running down the street while my brain attempts to process what I just learned.
Marco is in the mafia, living a life of crime.
He kills people for his job. The blood belonged to somebody – a person that he murdered.
He wants me – but I honestly don't think that I can be a part of that life.
When I think back to the boy that he once was, the one that actually tried to work hard to achieve his dreams, before his friends got their claws into him and sent him down the wrong path, my heart bleeds. That’s the boy I fell in love with, and I’m sure that deep down, even after all that he’s done, that Marco is still in there somewhere.
The only problem is, that boy won’t resurface ever, if he doesn’t want him to.
1 5 th December 2010
K nowing what day this is , and knowing that I have to ignore it – to have to act like it means absolutely nothing to me – is killing me. The fact that Olivia has texted me to remind me that we were supposed to be having the most wonderful day ever, reminding me of just one of the promises that I’m going to break, is tearing me up inside.
But it’s too late to look back now. I’ve made my decision, and I’ve solidified that. I’m in the mob, I’m already working jobs for them, and that’s the direction that my future will go. My grandma looks at me differently and I’m forcing Olivia away – this move is costing me the two people that I love more than anything in the world, but it’s done now. That’s all there is to it.
Grandma pushes my bedroom door open, without even bothering to knock, and from the weary expression that’s plastered across her face, I can already tell that I’m not going to like the next words out of her mouth before she even says them.
“I can’t keep her away any longer,” she says in a monotone tone of voice. “And to be honest, when you hear what she has to say, you’ll understand why I let her in, so
Virgin (as Mary Elizabeth Murphy) (v2.1)