Free The Convenience of Lies by K.A. Castillo Page B

you went out with Alicia, but not me?”
    Finally he feels like responding, “I don't know. I just did.” This doesn't seem like a fulfilling answer.
    “You went out with her just for the heck of it?” He nods. My heart takes a leap. So, Ramon never even really liked Alicia; he liked me the whole time. This day is going exactly as I had envisioned it. Now that we have confirmed that Ramon
does
like me, I need to get at the second part of my question.
    “But why can't you go out with me? What's wrong with me that wasn't bad about Alicia?” The questions that have been swirling around in my head the past few days are just tumbling out of my mouth. I can't stop them now that the floodgates have opened. I just can't make sense of how Ramon is behaving.
    “It is more a problem with me.” Ramon says, while fiddling with the knife.
    “What? If you tell me, then I can help you with it, but if you don't, then we can't get anywhere.” Ramon remains silent. He is not being very forthcoming, and it's getting to be more than I can bear. I am beside myself with so many emotions running rampant throughout my body; I can't contain them anymore. I start to feel a tear trickle down my face, and Ramon acts as if he doesn't even notice it. This whole situation seems so unfair. “But Ramon, this is the second time a guy I've liked has ever liked me back. I can't stand not doing anything about it.”
    “Who was the first time?” He asks, changing the topic.
    “My ex,” I say, grimacing at the memories of almost four years ago. “Please Ramon; this doesn't happen that often. This is just not fair.” I can tell that Ramon will not relent. He has his problem, and he won't share it with me, and I feel like I'm at a loss for what to do. I was so ready to use my problem solving skills, and now they have become incapacitated. Ramon's insistent silence is making it impossible for me to do anything, and it is just not right for a guy and a girl to openly know they have feelings for each other, and not get together. All of my careful planning, all of my energy, have been wasted. Nothing will be resolved before Kira returns from Russia.
    Ramon pockets the knife as we head back to my car in silence. There is nothing more to say. We have reached an impasse. Regardless, Ramon looks distraught. Perhaps he really does feel bad. Perhaps he feels barred from being with the girl he truly loves due to powers he can't control. Either way, my heart feels cold. I have been denied, and I don't even know why. I want Ramon to know that there are always other options, always ways to bring two people who are in love together. As I think this while we are driving home, “All My Life” by K-Ci and JoJo comes on the radio. It has always reminded me of Ramon. Kira was the one who introduced me to the song, and I have loved it ever since.
    “You are the only one, my everything. And for you this song I sing.” The song cries out into the dark crevasse between me and Ramon. I crank it up, hoping that he will get the idea, and to prevent any more conversation.
    All my life, I've prayed for someone like you.
    And I thank God, that I… that I finally found you.
    All my life, I've prayed for someone like you.
    And I hope that you… feel the same way too.
    Yes, I pray that you do love me too.
    As I play this song, I feel my heart melt with every lyric. It so poignantly represents the tragedy of our situation – a tragedy that Ramon and I could fix if he would work together with me. Love can rise above anything.
    I keep giving Ramon sideways glances, hoping that he's catching on to what I'm trying to communicate. He seems quiet and thoughtful; I can't figure out what's on his mind. I crank up the song even louder. At this point he can't do anything but ignore it. I pull up to the curb at his house and say, “Get the picture?”
    He seems confused, “What?” How could he be that dense? The song is practically screaming at him. If he can't figure it out, I