up through my stomach and onto the floor. And then another. And another.
By the time Sarah finds me in the dark, I am still retching and in a mess. Sweat pours down my brow and my hair is stuck to the sides of my face. All I can hear, above the ringing in my ears, is Sarah’s frantic voice. Demanding to know what is wrong with me and who left me in such a state, but I’m unable to talk. My head is bursting with so much pain that it is impossible for me to speak. Leading with her arm around me for support, back to the apartment, she directs me straight into the shower. Turning the dial she undresses me and drops my clothes onto the floor. Guiding me under the water she quickly washes my exhausted body while I stand shivering as she does so. Wrapping me in a coarse towel from the rack, Sarah then takes me into her bedroom, dries me off before dressing me in Ryan’s t-shirt she must have retrieved at some point while I stood in the room. Tucking me up in her bed Sarah wraps herself in a sheet on a chair and curls up. I don’t remember falling asleep but when I wake during the night feeling nauseous, I notice Sarah’s still here. For the rest of the night I twist and turn unable to settle in the heat. Sarah doesn’t move from her chair while I try and close my eyes to steer the hurt away. Sometime in the early morning I must have gone into a dreamless sleep. Waking up to the smell of coffee and toast. The pain in my head and the sick feeling in my stomach, seem to have eased enough that I am able to sit up in the bed, noticing the chair Sarah slept on during the night is empty. Left on the side table is my breakfast. Even though my stomach is churning a little, I know I must try and eat something to settle it after last night. Oh god last night. Only now it’s coming back much clearer. What an idiot I am to be somewhere on my own with Kieran, who I know nothing about. What the hell was I thinking? Of course, I wasn’t thinking, I got carried away by his generosity, the kindness he showed and yet he probably thought of me as a lonely, sad woman that would be a good candidate for a summer fling, a notch on his bedpost. And the fish. The taste just melted in my mouth, until I left it on the floor on the steps that is. The thought of him having some kind of thing with the young dark haired girl in the bar didn’t help either. Thank god he didn’t follow me. There is no way I can tell Sarah where I was, she didn’t ask me any more questions last night but the disappointment was written all over her face. I nibble on the edge of the toast and sink back down into the bed, wanting to hide under the cover for the day. I shouldn’t be here. The voices coming from beyond the door grow louder. Sarah and Abigail must be having a conversation with somebody else, as it isn’t like them to shout at each other. Sliding out of the bed, I stand by the door and open it a little bit. Peeking out I can just see the figures of the both of them. Abigail’s arms are flying around as her voice grows volume. “I told you it was a bad idea bringing her along. She’s a mess.” “Shush keep your voice down.” “Why? So Ms up-her-own-arse can sleep in?” “No you know why.” “How much longer is she going to use Ryan as an excuse for not living? She isn’t the only one suffering.” “Will you shut up? She will hear you.” “Fuck sake, I really don’t give a flying fuck right now. Does she not know how upset you were looking for her? Not even a note to say where she had gone when we woke up. Just up and left. Once again thinking of herself. Well I’m sick of it. This is my break too. I need this as much as she does.” “I know, I know but she is hurting.” “So am I.” Walking away from the door, I crawl back into bed pull the sheet over my head and let the tears stream down my cheeks.
I only leave the room to use the bathroom and get a drink of water, avoiding any conversation with either of