Free I’m a Vampire…In Charge of Draculacare by Jackie Rose Page B

completely worthless.
    “Start your eternal bliss in a truly enchanted evening with Simona,” she whispered, in her irresistible accent. “My service is free, as the government requires…but it will be enhanced by extra added attractions.” Her tone left no doubt as to what those attractions would be.
    “Your eternal life as an Undead American will begin with my floating through the window, wearing this Victoria’s Secret gown that will reveal my charms…to the strains of my own slow and sensuous music, which I have recorded as a professional pianist to heighten the mood.”
    With the sheer white garment in question clinging to her curvaceous figure, while her long black hair fell to her bare shoulders, that part of the promise was obviously sincere. So, too, was the slow and sensuous musical background to her seductive speech.
    What she declined to mention, was that her dark kiss would be followed by even darker pleasures. She hinted at them by ending her invitation with the promise, “It will truly be a night to remember…with all these added attractions, in return for a small gift in return.” Like all hip hookers, she knew enough to ask for a “small gift” rather than a “fee,” which would have landed her in jail for a whole lot of nights.
    Under those circumstances, her clients tried even harder to fight their way towards her, past all the other private computer programs that had grown up under Draculacare. A few of them succeeded…and fortunately for her, they tended to be the ones with the most advanced computer equipment, bought at the highest prices…just like her own fees. And for the clients who were reaching her Web site, those fees were not very small at all.
     
    * * * *
     
    To her delight, her first client was movie-star handsome. In fact, he was a movie star. She recognized him at once from his series of Undead Cop films, where he always wore his trademark tight blue jeans.
    The realization led her to wiggle and writhe even more energetically, as she floated through his open window into his bedroom. It was a setting fit for a star, she realized happily…with the purple brocade canopied bed beneath the coffered ceiling. In fact, it had been a setting for his hit movies.
    “It is such an honor to be with you tonight,” she gushed…sounding, for once, more like a giddy schoolgirl than a seductive siren. “I mean, your movies do so much for us Undead Americans, by giving us such a positive image, that I am glad I can do something for you in return. If you are here to learn how to portray an Undead American on film even more successfully, I will be glad to help you.”
    “You are giving me all the help I need,” Jimmy Sanford assured her, gazing at her with his soulful blue eyes, as though she were the most important person in the world to him…which, at the moment, she was. “Playing a vampire isn’t hard…but my problem is, staying young enough to do it.”
    With a shake of his tousled blond hair, he explained, “While vampires never get any older, actors do. I am about to hit the big 5-0, so I’ll be seeing lots of TV and magazine celebrations about how great I still look, but still is the magic word…or rather the tragic one. No one ever says that a vampire still looks good.
    “And when my show is finally cancelled, I’ll be playing the hero’s father the next time I show up on the screen!” He shuddered at the thought, as violently as though a legion of zombies were ringing his doorbell.
    Simona nodded sympathetically, realizing that no one ever said that she still looked good, at over 500 years old. She had stayed looking good because that’s what vampires did…and right now, she was very grateful that she could help her first client do the same.
    Then he broke into his trademark dazzling grin, as he added, “Besides, being a real vampire while I am playing one should bring me a lot of publicity, too.”
    “Do you…do you think I could get some publicity for