Free Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk

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Authors: Chuck Palahniuk
from trouser cuff of operative Boban. Both knee pulled to own chest, squeezing self most small as able.
    Acclaimed instructor make pistol arm straight at shivering spine, backbone of operative Boban. Next then, barrel flash. Blam. Smoke.
    Quote, “Sometimes democracy must be bathed in blood.”
    Last blood escaping agent 11. Dying final breath, lips fluttering, operative Boban whisper, say, “Best congratulations, revered instructor.” Exhale own precious life to say, “Most excellent shot…”
    Exploded drops Boban blood …burst gray blobs of Pavel brilliance…chilled sweat trace slow crawl down face cheeks of operative Magda, operative Tanek, operative me. Knees of this agent automatic flex, stoop so hand able retrieve brass metal casing of ammunition. Finger chilled. Cradled in palm of operative me, casing shell retain tiny warmth.

    Begins here eleventh account of operative me, agent number 67, attending this today structured compulsory education session. Participate combat among student public education institution. Forced battle to list English alphabet letters which comprise typical vocabulary word. Spelling war staged auditorium. Dated current now. For official record, all American youth become casualty, already slain attempt letters to build
. Six youth destroyed from battle against word
    All American student dismissed from battlefield, relegated into seats of audience, able only witness remainder word skirmish. Displayed onstage no one except operatives, Magda, Ling, Chernok, Oleg, Bokara, Mang, Tibor, Tanek, in addition this agent.
    Stern foot operative Mang take step to stance of microphone, focus of stage spotlight, say repeat word given from instructor, say, “Steatopygia.” List alphabet, say, “S-T-E-A-T-O-P-Y-G-I-A.” Bow head, repeat say, “Steatopygia.”
    Out audience issue massive huge moan. One voice male scholar say, reverberate throughout auditorium, say, “Get this bullshit
    Chorus other voice, male and female voice, say, “Yeah.” Say, “Call a fucking draw, already!”
    Seated below footlight of stage, rank of esteemed instructor rifle many volume book, dragging finger down page searching next word for ask. Other acclaimed instructor make fingerstraight and press to own pursed lips, exhale hissing sound to signal quiet. Other revered instructor tilt chin almost touch microphone, say, “Next contestant…” Say, “Would you please spell ‘retromingent’?”
    Onstage, operative Magda taken stance at microphone. Arms folded behind torso, feet apart, parade rest stance, Magda say, “Esteemed instructor, most grateful with full respect if would repeat word…”
    Say instructor, “Retromingent.”
    Eye of operative Magda fixed no blink into high glare of spotlight, no blink, no bleed water, say, “In most great due respect, great instructor, regret to correct most esteemed instructor pronunciation.” Say, “Actual correct version pronounce ‘retromingert.’” Proceed list exact alphabet of word.
    Heckler of student audience say, shouting, say, “Somebody pull the fire alarm. Get us
of here.”
    Ranked next beside this agent, whisper into ear of operative me, operative Chernok say, quote extreme king sheriff Benito Mussolini, say, ‘“It is humiliating to remain with our hands folded while others write history’”
    Trevor killed, casualty of word
    Cat sister retired from battle over word
    For official record, during evolve past 6.21 hours competition, team of instructors forced often retreat to school library, retrieve additional volumes listing English word. Top respected instructor cup hand to shield microphone, pull own mouth to sideways speak other fellow instructors, say, try inaudible say, “For cry’n out loud…I’d like to go home someday.” Say, “Let’s blow this punk out of the water.”
    Pig dog host brother, destroyed from elementary

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