Free Deaths Excellent Vacation by Charlaine Harris, Toni L. P. Kelner Page B

these?”
    “Nothing works better to wipe off blood, believe me,” I said, showing her my newly cleaned arms.
    Tammy looked at them, at me, and at Bones. “ What is going on?”
    “She already told you,” Bones said, pulling over on the side of the road and putting the vehicle in park. “But you need more proof before you believe us, right?” He held up his hand. “Watch.”
    Bones dragged a knife across his hand, cutting open a line of flesh. Tammy stared as it closed moments later as if it had an invisible zipper. Fabian didn’t even blink. The ghost was used to the healing abilities of the undead.
    “I’m a vampire, that’s why I can do this. Name’s Bones, by the way.”
    “And I’m Cat,” I added. “I’d introduce you to Fabian, but you can’t see him anyway. We’re your guardians until my uncle tracks down your cousin and arrests him.”
    Tammy’s face was almost comical in its incredulity. “But it’s daylight,” she said at last. “Vampires can’t go out in the sun, everyone knows that!”
    Bones chuckled. “Right. And we shrink back from crosses, can’t travel over water, can’t enter a home unless invited, and always get staked in the end by the righteous slayer. Really, who’d be afraid of a creature like that? All you’d need is a Bible, a tanning bed, and some holy water to send us shivering to our dooms.”
    Tammy shook her head slowly. I watched with sympathy. Denial was how I’d reacted at sixteen when I found out my absentee father had been a vampire, and that it wasn’t puberty causing my strangeness, but the growth of my inhuman traits.
    “I know it’s hard to believe since vampires and ghouls look human most of the time,” I tried again, “but—”
    “Let me get this straight,” Tammy interrupted. “I asked some of my father’s old government friends for help when ‘accidents’ kept happening to me, and someone sent a vampire to protect me?”
    Fabian began to laugh. I gave the ghost a censuring look that silenced his chuckles, but even though he was partially transparent, it was clear his lips were still twitching.
    “Actually, two vampires,” I corrected. “The ghost was a bonus.”
    “I’m a dead woman,” Tammy muttered.
    Bones snorted. “Told you this job wouldn’t be easy, luv.”
    He was right, but I owed Don a favor. Even if I hadn’t, I would still be here. Last month, Tammy had almost been killed by a “freak” electrical surge. Two weeks ago, a drive-by shooting nearly took her life. Could’ve been unfortunate coincidences, except for the fact that if Tammy died before her twenty-first birthday, all her father’s millions would go to her cousin, Gables. Tammy’s late father had been an old friend of my uncle’s, and Don didn’t believe in coincidences. Then Don did some digging and heard that the next attempt on Tammy would involve an “exotic” kind of hit man who never failed.
    Don knew what that meant. He ran a special Homeland Security division that dealt with the supernatural—not that taxpayers knew part of their money went toward policing things that supposedly didn’t exist. I was retired from the unit, but that made it even better for my uncle. Don didn’t need to use an active team member to look after his old friend’s daughter. No, he could call me, knowing I wouldn’t turn away a girl who had her head on a preternatural chopping block.
    Tammy seemed to have gotten over her initial shock. She tossed her blond hair. “I offered to pay for protection, and if you’re the ones protecting me, that means you work for me. So I’m going to lay some ground rules, got it?”
    My brows rose. Fabian whistled, but of course Tammy couldn’t hear the ghost. You better hurry up and arrest her cousin, Don, I thought.
    Bones gave me a knowing look. “Told you not to answer your mobile whilst we were on vacation, Kitten.”
    I sighed.
    Tammy ordered, “Take me back to my house,” but Bones ignored her, pulling onto the road and