Free Out Through the in Door by Ed Hilow Page B

Was that love strong enough to handle this?
              Panic overtook him. What will I do? What will Eli do when he finds out? Be angry? Leave me? With all that had happened in the last few months: the illness, financial stress, the growing distance between them, and now this – everything Mika had worked so hard for was slowly slipping away.
     
                  What have I done to deserve this? Why me?  What about Eli?  Could he have done this to me? Betrayed me? Everything has changed. All at once his panic turned to anger. He saw Eli through suspicious eyes. The doctor suggested Eli be tested. If Eli had done this to him it would be the proof he needed. He would tell him the doctor suggested it as a precaution, but for now Mika would keep the news of his HIV a secret.
     
    #
     
    Mika rummaged through the boxes. The attic needed straightening up and he needed something to occupy his time. The boxes held photographs, cards,  knickknacks – all manner of things they'd collected through the years. Each one held fond memories. Now, all he seemed to have was just that – boxes full of memories.
              Eli had left early for his full-time job. And he wouldn't be home till after ten that evening from his part-time job. That was, after all, the new routine. Mika remembered when Eli was always happy, easy going and seldom complained. Now all Mika could recall was worry in his eyes, fatigue in his voice and an emptiness in his presence. It was as if Eli stopped caring.
              Life had become nothing more than the slow passage of time with no distinction from one day to the next. It was more important to have money in the bank than time together.
              A kiss from behind surprised Mika. Eli was standing behind him. Mika  pulled back with a disgusted look on his face.
              “What's up with that?” Eli asked.
              “You scared me,” Mika replied. “What are you doing home?”.
              “I left early and took a vacation day. I thought we could spend some time together.”
              Eli was such a creature of habit that this deviation was strange and suspicious. “I need to finish this,” Mika snapped.” His tone was harsh – dismissive. He turned back to the boxes and continued sorting.
              Eli turned and with, a defeated expression, walked back down the stairs. 
              A few minutes later, Mika heard him in the backyard. From the attic window he watched him playing with the dog. Spring had finally warmed the air enough to be outside. The grass was turning green and the garden was showing signs of life with crocus and daffodil shoots breaking through the soil.
              Mika loved gardening and while Eli wasn't as passionate about it he never complained and always said he just liked spending time together – it didn't matter what they were doing. Mika could just look into his eyes and see the love. Now he was unsure of what he saw.
              As days passed, they barely spoke or saw one another. Eli came home one night to find a pillow and blanket on the floor in front of the bedroom door, which was locked. The next morning Mika was surprised to find Eli sitting in the den drinking a cup of coffee and watching the news.
              “Another day off?” Mika asked.
              “Nope,” Eli responded.
              For several minutes Mika stayed in the kitchen. What was he up to now? He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the table thumbing through a magazine. From his vantage point he could see Eli. “Why are you still home?”
              “Last time I looked I still lived here.”
              Eli's answers were abrupt and his tone cold. Everything about him was off and it was