Free Rejoice by Karen Kingsbury Page A

comfort, Brooke could do nothing to help her. The mother’s instinct was there, stronger all the time. But there was no way to act on it, no way to do the one thing that would bring peace to both her and Hayley.
    The bridge between them was broken in too many places, and now nothing could repair it. Not even an ocean of love for her younger daughter.
    She gripped the rails on Hayley’s bed and raised her voice.
    “Baby, Mommy’s here.., it’s okay.”
    More crying, more head turning.
    “Sweetheart, I love you.” She stood and moved her face closer to Hayley’s.
    “Everything’s okay. Jesus is with you.., he’s going to make you better.”
    The pattern of her daughter’s wailing stayed the same. Over and over and over again. Deep sorrowful monotone wails, and finally something inside Brooke snapped. As long as Hayley didn’t recognize her voice, she couldn’t do anything to help. Couldn’t be a mother to her own daughter.
    And in that moment Brooke’s adrenaline and panic turned to nausea.
    She gritted her teeth. Enough. She couldn’t stand there while Hayley was suffering, couldn’t take another moment of it. A way had to exist for her to mother her daughter, and somehow,
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    someway, Brooke would find it. Without considering protocol or Dr. Martinez’s assurance that nothing would help her daugh ter, Brooke released the lock on the bed rail. She eased it down and then climbed carefully into bed beside Hayley and propped herself up against the headboard.
    Then she worked her hands beneath .her small daughter and lifted her into her arms. Brooke fought the urge to recoil, be cause the moment her daughter was completely and fully in her arms, Brooke realized something. The stiffness wasn’t only in Hayley’s hands and feet.
    It was throughout her entire body.
    Hayley had always been more clingy, more willing than Maddie to cuddle with Brooke. Maddie was the independent .one, the daughter who would give Brooke a quick hug, then be on her way. But now Hayley fought Brooke’s embrace, pushed against it and stiffened in a way that left Brooke unsure about whether she’d survive the pain.
    ,’Hayley, it’s me, Mommy.” Brooke lowered her mouth to Hayley’s temple, inches from her daughter’s ear. “Hayley, I’m here, honey.., I’m here.”
    Brooke hadn’t cried much since the accident.
    She was a professional, after all. Someone trained to think with her head, not her heart. But with Hayley unwilling, unable to respond to Brooke’s arms around her, the tears came like streams. Quietly and without the sobbing some parents showed in emergency rooms, Brooke wept over Hayley, wept for all the missing parts and for the uncertainty of whether she’d ever be whole again.
    “Baby… shhh. Hayley, it’s Mommy.” She hugged her daugh ter to her chest and whispered the words as often as she could, as often as her strength would allow.
     
    If only Peter had watched her, if he’d stayed with the girls un til she got back…
    Hayley’s blonde hair was matted to her head. Brooke brought her knees up so Hayley wouldn’t roll out of her arms back onto 62
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    the bed. Clutching her tighter than before, Brooke worked her fingers through her daughter’s hair, the way she’d done a hundred times before. “Hayley… I’m here. Mommy’s here.” And that’s when it happened.
    Suddenly Hayley stopped crying. For the first time since she’d woken up earlier that day, she was neither sleeping nor crying. Brooke’s breath caught in her throat, and in the shock of what was happening she stopped running her fingers through Hayley’s hair. Almost at the same time, Hayley began crying again, wailing that constant, sickly slow cry that sounded not even remotely familiar.
    Brooke drew short, shallow breaths, desperate to find her way back to that place where for the fraction of a moment, Hayley recognized her voice.
    She knew. I know she did, God. Let her remember again, please …. No