Free Throwaway Girl by Kristine Scarrow Page A

get out on their own. They are counting the days until they leave home, anxious to have their own place and a space of their own. Take Trina for example. She can’t wait to leave Haywood. She tried to have herself discontinued from foster care when she turned sixteen. But after an exhaustive search, no one could be found to assume guardianship of her. No matter how hard they tried, the caseworkers couldn’t find extended family or close friends who might want to take her in. Trina told me how much it hurt, knowing that her mother or grandmother wouldn’t have anything to do with her even though she’d expected that they’d feel that way. What hurt even more was that there wasn’t even one significant relationship in her life that the caseworker could consider for placement. In the entire world, when it came down to it, Trina only had herself. We are so much more alike than I imagined. Throwaway girls , I like to call us.
    I’ve discovered that Haywood is also the closest thing to a support system I’ve had for a long time. When I’m on my own, who can I go to? My caseworker, Sharon, keeps telling me that I can contact her anytime, but I only see her every few months. She barely knows me. Somehow knowing that watching out for me is one of her job requirements, I have a hard time imagining us getting close. And that’s the other problem. Caseworkers change every five seconds, which means that there really isn’t an opportunity to get close to any of them. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve all been really nice to me over the years. It’s not their fault the system is the way it is.
    We’ve had two meetings so far about my exit from Haywood. I know that the next meeting will be my last. Because I don’t know what my future goals may be at this time, I tell them that I want to focus on working for now. “Deadlines for applications for post-secondary education are approaching,” Sharon reminds me. “I’d hate for you to miss out on starting in the fall because your application didn’t make it in on time.”
    I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I know I should feel like the world is opening up to me, that I have so many choices for my future. But the thing is, I’ve never given the future much thought. How can I envision the future when I am trying to get through the present? Social services will pay for my apartment and my education until I’m twenty-one, as long as I’m going to school and working part of the time to help pay my expenses. I know there are kids that would die for this opportunity, but it’s just all so overwhelming to me. The women around the table are all looking at me expectantly. “I’ll give it some more thought,” I say.
    One of the women slides a package of brochures and information sheets from various post-secondary institutions. “These may help,” she says. I nod and add them to the sheets I’ve already been given.
    â€œWell, it looks like you’re almost ready,” Sharon says, smiling. The women start to rise from their seats. I smile halfheartedly at them and gather my information.
    Betty gives me a supportive squeeze when we get to the doorway of the conference room. “I guess we’ll both be leaving here soon, won’t we?” she says. She has recently announced her retirement and will be leaving just weeks after me. I nod and feel tears well up. Betty has a whole family to be with. She’s already planning to watch a few of her grandchildren part time after her retirement from Haywood. She’ll be surrounded by those she loves.
    I make my way back to the sleeping area. Trina is standing in the hallway waiting for me and she lights up when she sees me. “So, how did it go?” she says excitedly. “When are you officially outta here?” Trina turns eighteen a month after me and she’s determined that we’re going to live together once