Free One Good Cowboy by Catherine Mann Page A

upbringing neither of us had.”
    Johanna angled her head to the side. “Where did you grow up?”
    “Here in Vermont actually, but much more scaled back and...well...not secure.” She looked back at Johanna. “I love my mom, but she was troubled. Actually, she was an alcoholic. It took us a long time to reconcile, but I’m glad we found a way to make peace before she passed.”
    “Oh, um, I’m sorry you had to go through that,” she said, feeling totally inadequate. Sorry was such a lame, overused word. “Is the rest of your family still nearby?”
    “My sister, yes. Troy and I have extended family, as well, the kinds of friends that are as close as relatives. We visit each other as often as we can, but we all bought vacation homes in Monte Carlo so our kids can have a sense of growing up together like cousins.”
    Hillary’s shoulders lost much of their tension at the mention of her husband’s close friends, and she launched into a story about their most recent trip to Monaco for a Formula One racing event.
    The baby boy squawked awake in his swing, stopping Hillary midstory. With already expert hands, she scooped up her newborn and declared, “He needs changing and I didn’t bring enough diapers out here. If you’ll excuse me for a few minutes, I’ll be right back.”
    “Of course. Take your time. I’m enjoying the sunshine.” And trying so very hard not to be envious of Hillary’s glowing happiness.
    As if to rub salt in the wound in her aching heart, Troy noticed his wife’s departure and took off after her in a slow jog, Gem loping alongside him having already transferred his doggy allegiance to the Donavans.
    Stone peeled away and strode back toward her, so damn handsome he took her breath away. Yet she knew even if he turned gray and paunchy, the essence of the man would be the same.
    Strong. Driven. Accomplished. Charismatic.
    And still determined to deny himself—both of them—the family happiness she craved. As much as she wanted him, she couldn’t bring herself to settle for less than everything.
    * * *
    Taking a seat beside Johanna at the picnic table, Stone saw the wistfulness in her eyes as she watched the family tableau. He knew, without question, he’d put that pain there. Guilt threatened to drive him to his knees.
    This whole afternoon of domestic bliss had been tough for him, as well, reminding him of all the times he’d seen his cousins with their parents while he sat on the periphery. He’d moved past wanting that for himself and realized he was better off not inflicting the same disappointment on offspring of his own. He knew his limitations. He didn’t have the emotional capacity to be a parent, and he refused to let down a kid. A parent had to be 100 percent in. Otherwise it wasn’t fair to the child. Johanna would expect—and deserved—to have a spouse every bit as committed to home and hearth as she was, rather than some stonehearted guy with a crack baby past.
    He didn’t want to think overlong about the man who would offer her that fairy-tale future, especially not with the feel and taste of Johanna still so fresh in his memory. The sun kissed her shoulders, which were bared in her sundress. He allowed himself at least a small indulgence and grazed his knuckles along the tanned skin, sweeping aside her golden French braid.
    He cupped the back of her neck and massaged lightly. “Are you okay with the Donavans adopting Gem?”
    “What do you think?” Her head lolled back into his touch. “I’m thrilled. Gem is going to a wonderful family. There’s nothing not to love about this.”
    “I have to confess, it’s going even better than I’d hoped.” His thumb worked at a knotted muscle at the base of her skull. The silkiness of her skin and the light sigh passing her lips stirred him.
    Her eyelids fluttered closed, her face a study in bliss. “Your grandmother will be relieved to hear the news.”
    “I already texted her.” He waggled his cell phone before