Free Bonds of Trust by Lynda Aicher Page B

her, of how he’d made her feel.
    Her nipples tingled just thinking of his deep voice as he’d commanded her to trust him. To submit to his desires. Giving over control to him had been so easy. Almost too easy.
    With Peter, asking for anything sexually had only led to guilt because she knew she wouldn’t get it. It had always resulted in disappointment and frustration for both of them. Ultimately, he made her feel ashamed of her desires.
    Not with Jake.
    She could see herself becoming addicted to what he’d given her. To the feelings he’d stirred. But mostly, to the warm cloak of protection that had wrapped around her and calmed her inner angst when she’d let go and trusted him. And he hadn’t let her down. No, he’d exceed all of her expectations.
    Cali let the strangled groan escape her tight throat and squeezed her eyes closed. Now that she’d had a taste of what submission under the hands of an experienced Dom like Jake could be like, she wanted more. The reality was better than any of her deepest, dirtiest dreams.
    Fantasies she never shared with Peter. The man she should have been able to share everything with. It was easy now to look back at her marriage and see all of the errors they’d both made. She was just as much to blame for the distance that had grown between them over the years. He might of have pushed her away, shunned her sexually, but she was the one who’d stopped fighting for the passion. Complacency on both of their parts had led to their eventual divorce.
    A divorce she’d accepted as inevitable years before she’d finally asked for it.
    Years she could have insisted on marriage counseling, or tried harder to breach the growing gap that had settled between them. It was when she’d stopped trying, though, that all intimacy between her and Peter had died. The simple fact that he hadn’t care enough to instigate it had been the final blow.
    It’d been a one-way street that she’d gotten tired of traveling.
    And now, she was on a new road. One she didn’t think she had the courage to continue down.
    Cali swore into the silence, the sudden noise bouncing off the walls to smack at her. She released the grip on her hair and slowly straightened, swiping at the tears lingering on her cheeks. She inspected her rumpled outfit, the sexy one she’d bought specifically for that night.
    It was doubtful she’d ever wear it again.
    The sex had been amazing. But Jake was right; it was the connection she craved. The control he exerted over her would feel empty without the bond that went with it. One he’d cultivated so subtly that she’d been snared before she realized the trap had been set.
    He’d made her feel special, safe, for the first time in years. But she couldn’t romanticize it. She was just another sub to him, nothing different. And it was doubtful that he’d want to pair with her again. Not someone as old and inexperienced as her. Hell, he owned the club. He could have any sub he wanted, whenever he wanted.
    A spark of jealousy tightened her gut with surprising force. She puffed out a small laugh. Obviously she wasn’t a random-sex kind of girl. And after experiencing submission with Jake, she couldn’t see herself with any other Dom. She certainly couldn’t go back to his club and let her desire override her pride. She was way too old to live in a world of illusions and dreams, and lusting after an unattainable Dom wasn’t on her list of humiliating behaviors to model.
    Yet she couldn’t help but wonder where Jake would take her if they paired again. Would he push her more? Strap her to a bench and spank her? Or would he use something else on her, like a crop or even a whip? Take away all her control...
    Cursing again, Cali jerked to stand and forced her legs to move toward the bathroom. What she needed was an icy cold shower to wash away the night and the emotions it’d stirred up. She’d tried. She’d gone after a dream, had been daring for once in her life. She could check