Free The Engagements by J. Courtney Sullivan Page B

could hear her heartbeat in her ears. For a moment, she allowed herself to picture like an elephant was sitting on my chesty. They
    But she tried to be calm. She reminded herself that she had always done her best work under pressure.
    The curtain parted, and she had no choice but to step onto the stage.When they saw her walking toward the podium and her name splashed acort film chron

1972
    After they left, Evelyn took to her bed. She had been there now for thirty minutes. She once read that Edith Wharton wrote her novels tucked in under the covers, with her dogs all around. It seemed a somewhat depressing way to spend one’s days. Bed was for sleep or sickness or, occasionally, sadness.
    She could not guess how long it would be before she saw her son again. She knew now that he really would go through with the divorce, and when she pictured what this meant, she wanted to fall into a deep sleep: Julie would go, taking the girls from her. On holidays, she and Gerald would eat alone at their long dining table that could seat sixteen. Her granddaughters would grow up without a father. They could send money if Teddy refused to, but no amount could make up for his absence.
    When she heard Gerald coming up the stairs, she held her breath. As soon as Teddy left, she had pushed past her husband toward the bedroom. It was a move so uncharacteristic that Gerald had laughed. This had proven a grave mistake, which she could tell he realized as soon as their eyes met and he saw her expression. Now that half an hour had passed, she felt embarrassed about how she had acted. It was a tad dramatic, to be sure. But she was truly livid with him. This was one of the few times she could remember in life, and certainly the most consequential, when Gerald’s response to something was so utterly different from her own. If he hadn’t talked her into having Teddy over for lunch. If he had flown to Florida right away after Teddy first met Nicole.
If if if
.
    He came in now with a mug in his hand, and set it down on the nightstand.
    “Made you some tea.”
    She couldn’t remember him ever doing this before, other than when she was down with the flu.
    “Thank you Pat Flaherty’s from driving hometown driving,” she said.
    “I gather you’re still mad at me,” he said.
    “Yes.”
    She felt like an actress in a play. In four decades, they had had very little practice at fighting. They were both lousy at it.
    “I’ll only say this once more,” she said. “And I’ll try to be as clear as I can. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you didn’t try to change his mind when you had the chance.”
    “That’s not for me to do, Evie.”
    “But why?”
    “No one has the right to comment on the way anyone else falls in love.”
    She felt like she was talking to a stranger.
    “Please!” she said. “That’s a fine philosophy in the abstract, but we are talking about our son. You know he’s in the wrong, Gerald. Why wouldn’t you tell him so?”
    He shook his head. “I have my reasons, leave it at that.”
    “No, I will not leave it at that.”
    “I never told you this, because I didn’t want to upset you,” he began, and she felt her breath catch in her chest. She wasn’t certain she could live with more secrets.
    “What?”
    “My parents were dead set against me marrying you.”
    Though they had both been gone more than twenty years, Evelyn felt hurt and indignant on behalf of her younger self. “They didn’t like me?” she asked, and then smiled at how childish she sounded.
    “They loved you,” he said. “They thought you were dynamite. Everyone does. They didn’t want me to marry you because they thought it was wrong. They said you couldn’t possibly love me—that you were just trying to keep Nathaniel alive and so was I.”
    “But that’s not true,” she said.
    “And over time, they came to realize it. At least I hope they did. That’s my point. No one can ever know the inner parts of anyone else’s marriage.