Free Accidentally in Love With a God (2012) by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff Page B

should just jump in and die! It would be better than living the rest of my life in a nut farm or with you!”
    “ Emma, calm down. Someone’s going to hear you.”
    “Who? Who the hell is going to hear some crazy woman screaming in the middle of the God damned jungle?”
    Hiccup! Hiccup! “Oh, great. Just what I needed to complete the moment.”
    “ Emma, I—”
    “No, screw you. I’m through with your mind games. Or…my mind games? I don’t even know anymore!” Hiccup!
    “ Emma, I can prove I’m real, that you’re not crazy. Jump in, and you’ll see me.”
    What if I was right? Or, what if this was how my grandmother died? Lured by some insane voice to the isolated Mexican jungle where she was told to jump into a Mayan pool like this one. I envisioned her in my mind, babbling to herself and swatting away the mosquitoes while having this exact same conversation as she stood over the edge of this very same pool.
    “No,” I said aloud, contradicting my hysterical-self. “She wasn’t crazy.” She was the sanest person I knew. And if she were here now, she’d say, ‘Holy Virgin, child. Are you out of your crazy-loca head? Go home, this instant!'”
    And, dammit, she’d be right!
    “Okay. I’ll jump, but on one condition. If you’re real, I want you to disappear. I never want to hear your voice again. I don’t even want to see you, or know what you are. You disappearing from this moment forward will be my proof of my sanity. Got it!?”
    “ You can’t mean that. I have answers for you, Emma. I can help you find out what happened to your grandmother. I can make up for all of the pain I have caused you.”
    Impossible. A lifetime of therapy wouldn’t heal the damage he’d done. The best I could hope for was to be able to fake normal.
    “Yes. I can mean it.” If you’re real, then I can’t be whole with you in my life. I’ll always be conflicted—wanting to be with you, wanting to be free of you, I wanted to say, but couldn’t risk exposing myself for all the obvious reasons.
    “For years, I’ve been your prisoner, and I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but it ends today. I don’t ever want to hear your voice again. I want you gone. Promise now, or I won’t take one more step.”
    “ Emma. I know I’ve pushed you, but we’ve come this far, and so much is riding on you.”
    “No. Promise now, or I turn around.”
    “ I must see you…safely back.” There was a long silent pause. “I will not promise.”
    “I’m out of here! And don’t try talking to me anymore because the first thing I’m doing is checking into the psych ward where they’re going to medicate me so heavily that I won’t even hear myself. I bet Mexico has great drugs!”
    “ Emma, you have to—”
    “No. You shut the hell up! You’re not even real. You never were!”
    “ Emma, I’m sorry, but you’ve given me no other choice.”
    I felt something soft and furry rub against my leg. “Holy—” I stumbled back, falling to the ground.
    Inches from my face, a giant black cat hissed, its bright green eyes boring a hole through my soul. I quickly eyed the water. It was looking much more inviting now; cats didn’t like water, right? I slowly rose to my knees, holding out my hands. “Good kitty. Stay kitty.” I inched toward the edge of the cenote. It was a long way down, but maybe I could—
    The cat took a small step forward and displayed its incisors.
    “Never mind!” I jumped and hit the water sideways with a loud slap! , plunging several feet under. My head broke through the surface where I saw the jaguar leaning over the edge, preparing to pounce in after me. No doubt it wanted to play “bobbing for humans.”
    My heart pounded furiously, and for a moment, I forgot all about my little insanity dilemma.
    I looked for something to throw—a fallen branch or magic floating rock—but there were just my sneakers.
    Treading water, I awkwardly used one foot to pry off a shoe and chucked it at the furry