Free The Great Santini by Pat Conroy Page B
Authors: Pat Conroy
perishing from curiosity."
"Not until you see it."
"You know I'm not wild about two bedroom mobile homes, Dad," Ben said.
"Are you wild about having a fist slammed down your throat up to the elbow, wise guy?" Bull bellowed.
"Temper, temper," Lillian cooed. "Aren't these mansions lovely?"
"I gotta go to the bathroom," Matthew said.
"Cross your legs, Matt, and offer it up to the Lord," Lillian said.
"Look at that one, Mama," Karen said, pointing to a large two story mansion with ten columns on each level. It was encircled by a wild, untended garden fierce in its reckless blooming and accidental color.
"That is a true southern mansion," Mrs. Meecham said reverently. "It reminds me of Tara in Gone With the Wind except for its garden. Maybe it's hard to get help around here."
"I guess I kind of remind you of Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind, huh, Lillian?" Bull asked.
"No, darling, you don't even vaguely remind me of Rhett Butler."
"You do remind me of somebody in the movies, Dad. I can't think of who it is. No, I got it. You remind me of Bambi," Ben said.
"Dad reminds me of Godzilla from the movie by the same name," Mary Anne suggested.
"Naw," Ben said," I liked Godzilla."
"Ask a simple question, get a lot of yappin'," Bull growled. "Anyway, I remind myself of Rhett Butler. A real ol' stud horse."
"It's a desecration to compare yourself to Rhett, Bull. There's no comparison."
"Yeah, I guess not. Ol' Rhett just can't measure up to the Great Santini."
"That's not what I meant."
" Gone With the Wind was a real horsecrap movie."
"It is considered the best ever made."
"I still have to go to the bathroom," Matt whined.
"Put on the brakes, Matt. You should have gone when we stopped for the train."
"I told you I didn't have to go then, Dad."
"Offer it up, son," Lillian suggested for the third time.
"You got to learn, Matt," Ben said," that Dad just doesn't allow his children to excrete when he's on a trip. It's a family law."
"I didn't think men went to the bathroom when I was a little girl," Karen added," because Dad never had to stop during a trip."
"Well be there in a minute," Lillian said. "Think about something else and it will help."
"Think about how your kidneys are gonna blow up soon, if you don't take a whizz pretty soon," Ben said.
"Quit the yappin' back there."
Before them in two symmetrical files of stores stood the center of town. It was a three block area with stores facing the street, the river visible in fragments of green through the alleyways that cut through to unseen parking lots by the water. Some of the stores were old with graceful eaves and cornices; others had been modernized or sterilized with plate glass windows and neon; still others were new. In one alleyway, a large black man had parked his mule and wagon and was lifting off bunches of flowers to sell to the morning shoppers who were beginning to appear at both ends of the runny street. The hard fragrance of the salt river and the marshes filled the car. It was a smell that all of them would remember as their first smell in Ravenel.
"The river is beautiful, Bull," Lillian said after a moment. "Look, it runs right behind the stores."
"This town is hicksville," said Mary Anne.
"Give it a chance, honey. You're always too quick to judge."
"I've given it a chance," Mary Anne retorted, "and this town is definitely hicksville."
"You could find a turd in a scoop of ice cream, Mary Anne," Colonel Meecham said.
"Where's the main part of town, Daddy?" Karen asked.
"You're in it, sportsfans."
"We better find a priest," Ben said. "I don't think Matt's going to make it."
"Matt's turning yellow, Dad," Mary Anne said. "You know, Matt, I think you look good yellow."
"Yeah, and you're gonna look good bloody," Matt shot back, though he was moaning in a rigidly held fetal position.
"Are we almost to the house, Bull?" Lillian asked.
"Almost," he answered. "Now I want all you hogs to look out the window and see if you can guess which
"Not until you see it."
"You know I'm not wild about two bedroom mobile homes, Dad," Ben said.
"Are you wild about having a fist slammed down your throat up to the elbow, wise guy?" Bull bellowed.
"Temper, temper," Lillian cooed. "Aren't these mansions lovely?"
"I gotta go to the bathroom," Matthew said.
"Cross your legs, Matt, and offer it up to the Lord," Lillian said.
"Look at that one, Mama," Karen said, pointing to a large two story mansion with ten columns on each level. It was encircled by a wild, untended garden fierce in its reckless blooming and accidental color.
"That is a true southern mansion," Mrs. Meecham said reverently. "It reminds me of Tara in Gone With the Wind except for its garden. Maybe it's hard to get help around here."
"I guess I kind of remind you of Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind, huh, Lillian?" Bull asked.
"No, darling, you don't even vaguely remind me of Rhett Butler."
"You do remind me of somebody in the movies, Dad. I can't think of who it is. No, I got it. You remind me of Bambi," Ben said.
"Dad reminds me of Godzilla from the movie by the same name," Mary Anne suggested.
"Naw," Ben said," I liked Godzilla."
"Ask a simple question, get a lot of yappin'," Bull growled. "Anyway, I remind myself of Rhett Butler. A real ol' stud horse."
"It's a desecration to compare yourself to Rhett, Bull. There's no comparison."
"Yeah, I guess not. Ol' Rhett just can't measure up to the Great Santini."
"That's not what I meant."
" Gone With the Wind was a real horsecrap movie."
"It is considered the best ever made."
"I still have to go to the bathroom," Matt whined.
"Put on the brakes, Matt. You should have gone when we stopped for the train."
"I told you I didn't have to go then, Dad."
"Offer it up, son," Lillian suggested for the third time.
"You got to learn, Matt," Ben said," that Dad just doesn't allow his children to excrete when he's on a trip. It's a family law."
"I didn't think men went to the bathroom when I was a little girl," Karen added," because Dad never had to stop during a trip."
"Well be there in a minute," Lillian said. "Think about something else and it will help."
"Think about how your kidneys are gonna blow up soon, if you don't take a whizz pretty soon," Ben said.
"Quit the yappin' back there."
Before them in two symmetrical files of stores stood the center of town. It was a three block area with stores facing the street, the river visible in fragments of green through the alleyways that cut through to unseen parking lots by the water. Some of the stores were old with graceful eaves and cornices; others had been modernized or sterilized with plate glass windows and neon; still others were new. In one alleyway, a large black man had parked his mule and wagon and was lifting off bunches of flowers to sell to the morning shoppers who were beginning to appear at both ends of the runny street. The hard fragrance of the salt river and the marshes filled the car. It was a smell that all of them would remember as their first smell in Ravenel.
"The river is beautiful, Bull," Lillian said after a moment. "Look, it runs right behind the stores."
"This town is hicksville," said Mary Anne.
"Give it a chance, honey. You're always too quick to judge."
"I've given it a chance," Mary Anne retorted, "and this town is definitely hicksville."
"You could find a turd in a scoop of ice cream, Mary Anne," Colonel Meecham said.
"Where's the main part of town, Daddy?" Karen asked.
"You're in it, sportsfans."
"We better find a priest," Ben said. "I don't think Matt's going to make it."
"Matt's turning yellow, Dad," Mary Anne said. "You know, Matt, I think you look good yellow."
"Yeah, and you're gonna look good bloody," Matt shot back, though he was moaning in a rigidly held fetal position.
"Are we almost to the house, Bull?" Lillian asked.
"Almost," he answered. "Now I want all you hogs to look out the window and see if you can guess which