Free The Milestone Tapes by Ashley Mackler-Paternostro Page B

she lived through this once, it has to be very hard for her.”
    “And I ran away.” Jenna dropped her hands and locked eyes with Gabe.
    “No. That’s not what I’m implying, Jenna. I’m saying, just think about it: Mia’s not much younger than she was—a few years only. And the whole thing really fucked her life up; she’s probably scared.”
    “But she’s my sister. She’s where I come from. She’s my family, I need her,” Jenna whispered softly.
    “I know, honey, but you can’t force her to be who you want her to be. She’s not been that sort of sister for a long time.”
    “I know. I just wish—”
    “It doesn’t always look like what you’d imagine.” Gabe dropped to knees in front of Jenna and gathered her hands in his. “But we’re where you come from, too. We’re your family, we love you.”
    “I know that—but it’s not the same,” Jenna blushed, she felt feverish and hot.
    “Then you know what you do, Jenna? You figure out how to make what you have work. Sophia may never come around, and if she doesn’t, then what? You’ve tried, honestly Jenna, I don’t think anyone tries harder to be better than you do. Sometimes you can move things with your will ... and sometimes, honey, you just can’t.”
    “You know what the hardest part is, Gabe? It’s all the stuff I’ll never have, all the things I’ll never see or do or be. And it’s not tangible stuff, or even things we’ve had. It’s nothing you can buy, nowhere you can just go. It’s the stuff like having had another baby, watching Mia grow up, growing old with you, being close to my sister ... the things I want most in this world, the things I thought I’d have. It’s admitting that this is and I’m scared. I’m not ready. I don’t know how to be ready. I don’t want to go, I don’t want to leave you,” Jenna wept, heavy tears full of realization and grief. Gabe rested his forehead against hers in silence.
    “You have to be strong, Jenna, you have to be brave.” Tears ran down Gabe’s face as he held her hands over his heart.
    “That sounds like what I tell Mia,” Jenna laughed lightly.
    “It’s good advice.” Gabe wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt.
    “I’m scared for you, Gabe, I can’t imagine—raising Mia, being alone—it’s not what you signed up for, we were supposed to do this together.”
    “Jenna, I need you to believe what I’m about to tell you, okay? Because I’m not sure about a lot of things, but I do know this for certain: I’m not scared—well, not about the same things you are.” He steadied his voice. “Whatever it takes, that’s what I’m going to do. Whatever that means, it means. She’s my little girl, and you never, ever have to worry about her, not for a minute.”
    “And what about you? Where do you get what you deserve?”
    “I don’t know. But, I think about it like this ... I had you for twenty-two years. You’ve been my partner—not just my wife, not just my friend. These years and what we’ve done with them, wow, how lucky have I been? That’s been more than I’ve deserved and I’m grateful. Thankful for you, and our daughter and our home, and the memories and our life together. And after, I’m going to be a father. I’m going to raise our little girl and do what’s best for her. It might not sound full from the outside listening in, but I can’t see beyond that and that’s all I want to do. Just being a good dad.”
    “Gabe.” Jenna reached out her hand, roping it around his neck, pulling him close.
    “I love you Jenna, so much, and I’m sorry, so sorry, we can’t ... ” Gabe’s voice drifted off.
    “Me too,” Jenna cut him off; he didn’t need to put words to his apology, she felt them to her bones. She knew he’d trade anything, give anything, just for her and it wasn’t anything he’d ever need to say.
    “I wish—”
    “I know,” Jenna pulled back and took his face in her hands, looking into his eyes.
    She studied him,