Free Becoming Sister Wives: The Story of an Unconventional Marriage by Kody Brown, Meri Brown, Janelle Brown, Christine Brown, Robyn Brown Page A

been badly mistreated and misled by my ex-husband. While I knew that he was the source of a lot of my grief, part of me still believed that I was a failure because I hadn’t been able to make my relationship work.
    The aftermath of my marriage left me feeling vulnerable and used, as well as exposed and helpless. I felt betrayed. I needed to regain my confidence and my inner strength, to ensure that I would never be mistreated again. It took me a while to realize that the only person I could rely on to protect me was myself . When I discovered this, I invented an alter ego who became my protector. Her name was She-Rah and she represented my tougher, bolder side. Since no one would come to my rescue, I transformed part of me into my own superhero.
    She-Rah helped me protect the softer, more sensitive parts of my psyche. She built a wall around them so they wouldn’t be battered or bruised. I knew that it would be going against my nature to throw away the kindness and caring that are important parts of my character—so instead I developed this mechanism to shield them. She-Rah helped me put up a fortress around my vulnerabilities and develop a hard, impenetrable side so that I wouldn’t fall for anyone’s tricks again.
    She-Rah was instrumental is helping me cope with the emotional turmoil caused by my marriage. She was there to ensurethat I would never be hurt again. Any man who approached me was going to have to prove himself in every way possible—and he would have to go through She-Rah.
    Since both my marriage and my divorce were so difficult, I decided that I would take a break from relationships. I didn’t need the complications of dating in my life. I knew that since I was a mother of three, my dates would be more like job interviews than romantic encounters. After all, any man who might court me needed to be up to the task of helping me raise my children. And while I wasn’t outwardly considering marriage, I was pretty certain that if it happened, I would join a family as a plural wife.
    If and when I married again, I wouldn’t care the least bit what my husband looked like. None of the superficial stuff mattered to me anymore. My husband could be old or young, fat or skinny—I didn’t care as long as he was a good man and a good husband. I wanted someone whose sole priority was taking care of his family. I knew that anyone who was interested in this job would have to demonstrate himself thoroughly and competently as caring, unselfish, and strong. I wasn’t taking any chances. But before I even contemplated marriage or courtship, I was determined to take time out for myself, repair my wounds, and look after my children.
    After my divorce was finalized and I was functioning as a single mom, I went to visit my cousin Reba in Lehi, Utah, which is thirty miles outside of Salt Lake. I hadn’t been there in a while and I was looking forward to a change of community.
    On Sunday, Reba and I went to church. While we were seated in the service, a man sitting in front of me with shaggy blond hair caught my eye. The first thing I noticed about him was his eyes, which were ringed with laugh lines. I always love seeing laugh lines because they tell me that someone is happy. I watched him talk with the other members of the congregation.There was something peaceful and comforting about the way he conducted himself. He was smiling and laughing, at ease with himself and others. All of a sudden, he looked up and our eyes met. I’m not exaggerating when I say I felt as though I’d been shot through with a bolt of lightning. When this happened, I was stunned. I was embarrassed, too, and looked down at my feet.
    Immediately, I was furious that I’d had any sort of response to this stranger. I was determined that no one should break through my hard exterior shell and play with my emotions. So before She-Rah could scold me, I quickly repaired the crack that had appeared in my armor.
    Sometime during the service, I had to walk