Free My Body-His Marcello by Blakely Bennett Page B

bliss.
    I climbed in and
out of the window a few times to buy groceries. I exercised on the
treadmill when I could summon the energy. Often I just sat on the
couch by the window starring out at the nothingness. Every day I
promised myself I would get myself together and get out of the bed
or off the couch and make some new life plans, but every day I
found it too easy to think, “There’s another day.” After the first
day I went back to what had become my normal state of
nakedness.
    At the end of the
week I decided to clean up the house and get ready for Luke’s
return. I wasn’t sure of the exact time he would be home but I
assumed tomorrow on his usual a.m. flight. Amazingly, I never
considered what I’d say once I saw him. I rehearsed no apology
outside of what I wrote in the email and didn’t even think about
what I’d have to go through to make it up to him. In my profound
state of denial it was so much easier to just think, He’s away
again and will be back soon .
    After
straightening up, I decided to drive his car into town to buy
breakfast supplies for his homecoming. I never considered the
possibility that he wouldn’t take me back.
    What did end up happening to me was beyond the powers of my imagination at
that time.
     
     

CHAPTER SIX
    I dressed in the
bedroom and strode across the hall to my writing room. I pulled
back the pillow case and threw out my backpack ahead of me. As I
had done all week, I climbed through the window and bounded around
to Luke’s car.
    “ Hands
up,” a policeman said. He scared me practically to death. I dropped
my backpack and threw my hands in the air.
    “ What
are you doing climbing out of Mr. Hall’s house?”
    “ I’m
Mrs. Hall.” I stood still, scared to move.
    “ Why
would Mrs. Hall need to climb out the window?” he said. The
intensity of his eye contact made me afraid he might use his
gun.
    “ We
got into a fight and he changed the locks. He’s in Japan and I
couldn’t reach him.” I kept my hands in the air, slightly
shaking.
    His demeanor
changed and he lowered the gun. He must have decided I wasn’t
dangerous.
    “ I
have to take you down and verify your story.” He waved me over to
him.
    I dropped my
arms, swung my backpack up on my shoulder, and stepped toward him
as he read me my rights. I held my wrists out to him so he could
cuff me.
    “ That
won’t be necessary,” he said, opening the back door to let me
in.
    I’d thought being
whipped in front of a group of people had brought me to my all-time
low but my journey of degradation continued to prove me wrong. I
had never felt so mortified in my life. I kept my head down, hoping
no one would see me riding in the back of the squad car.
    Once we arrived
at the Hollywood police station, they booked me and shoved me into
a cell with two women I thought might be prostitutes. They checked
me out and both made disgusted faces, which I found funny. I was on
the verge of hysteria but held my laughter in. I knew if I started
laughing, I wouldn’t stop. The two ladies of the night ignored me
and continued their conversation as if I didn’t exist.
    I couldn’t fathom
how my life had gotten to this place in a matter of months. I wish
I could express the psychological scourging I experienced as they
fingerprinted me and made me pose for mug shots. On the edge of a
breakdown I realized how being photographed had taken on a
completely new meaning for me. How does one recover from
this? I thought.
    I understood
Janice in that moment better than I ever had. For the first time I
thought, Maybe he won’t take me back and where will I be then? How
can I go on another minute knowing I’d be alone again? How can I go
on living without the man who filled me, captured me, and freed
me?
    The two women
were liberated about an hour later, leaving me to occupy the cell
on my own. I lay back on the bench and fantasized about reuniting
with Luke. After two more hours I realized I had a phone call
coming. That released