Free Free Yourself from Anxiety by Emma Fletcher Page B

time goes by you need to keep increasing the number or complexity of rituals to achieve the same feeling of safety.
    People with other forms of Anxiety also have safety behaviours – always sitting by the door, always carrying your mobile phone, carrying sparetranquillisers just in case, are good examples. Again these tend to increase with time.
Effects of anxiety behaviours
    There are two big problems with all of these behaviours.
    1. As we’ve seen already, they tend to get worse with time, so that life becomes more and more restricted.
    2. You believe that the behaviours are holding Anxiety in check, but in fact you never get to test that out.
    Changing your behaviours will help you halt the increase and prove to yourself that Anxiety does go down in the end whatever you do. All of the behaviours have the same flaw, that is, they provide short-term relief but overall Anxiety increases.
    The aim is to change your behaviour very gradually, in small manageable steps.
Exercise
    Make a list of your Anxiety behaviours. Follow the four headings, and add anything that you know you do even if it doesn’t seem to fit any of the headings.
    ESCAPE
    AVOIDANCE
    DOING LESS
    SAFETY BEHAVIOURS
    OTHERS
    GROUP MEMBERS TALK ABOUT SAFETY BEHAVIOURS
    ‘The only situations I’ve ever really avoided are medical things.’
A NDREA
    ‘Checking light switches/power sockets are off, doors are closed and locked, etc.’
A NDREW
    ‘It was like I was almost out of my body. I kept thinking “I’m going to die on the number 16 bus”. I phoned my mother who said “don’t worry about me, get yourself to a doctor.”’
B RIDGET
    We had planned to be there early enough to strategically choose our seats, so that we (or rather I!) could easily “escape”, should there be any need. At the time it sounded like a great idea but it meant a long unnerving wait before the start of the show.’
J ULIE
    ‘… often I had “jelly legs”. If at all possible I preferred to tread on uneven ground because this made me concentrate on where I was putting my feet. Open areas of floor tiles, like you see in shopping malls, made me uneasy.’
M ARGARET
    But what if I need to use the loo?
That would really put me in a stew.
To touch the flush handle would be foul
As I cover my hands with a thick clean towel.
But it has to be a particular one.
This isn’t pleasant, it isn’t fun.
    N ORMAN
    ‘Anything that upset me emotionally, even good things, brought on a panic attack.’
P EN

19
What Do You Want to Achieve?
    You are beginning to have a clearer understanding of how your Anxiety problem affects your life. Perhaps you are realising that things aren’t as bad as you thought, or perhaps you’ve had to face up to the full extent of your illness. This is painful but important – anything that you keep in the shadows of your mind is likely to turn into a bogeyman, scaring you because you don’t understand it.
    Now it’s time to look at exactly what you want to achieve. You may say impatiently ‘I just want to be alright’ or ‘I just want to be my old self again’ but you need to be more specific than that.
    No one is ever entirely anxiety free. Not only does everyday life produce anxiety (Will I find a parking space? Have I got time to dash into the bank?) but there is always the possibility of an unexpected difficulty (How am I going to cope with redundancy? How can I deal with my partner’s anger?).
    Anxiety is an essential part of life. It tells you when to be careful, and on the other side of the coin is your ability to feel excited about doing something new or challenging, such as starting a new job, or falling in love. You need both of those abilities.
    The real problem is that your normal anxiety has mutated into an Anxiety condition, and it has taken control of your life. Wouldn’t you like to wrest that control out of Anxiety’s hands? Wouldn’t you like to be in control again?
    Remember the title of this book – Free Yourself