Free Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties: Do Your Relationships Produce Bondage or Joy? by Bill Banks, Susan Banks Page A

problem.”
“No one else can witness to me like you can.”
    Obligation can be created by some kind of preferential treatment. For example, the firstborn grandson or grand-daughter is selected as a favorite and treated differently than the other grandchildren. It is not uncommon for this to cause jealousy and rejection by siblings, as was the case with Joseph and the special gift of a coat. The effect of such rejection results in even more dependence upon the one favoring the child.
    The adult gets their hooks, chains, or cords of bondage established in that individual by granting a favored status and by “loving them more,” but it is conditional love and therefore the specter of losing that status remains constantly in the background. The child is in an unstable relationship, and fear is present because the favored status is somehow, in a vague, ill-defined way, conditional upon continually pleasing the donor. Or, the conditional love requires continually proving oneself to meet the unstated standard.
    Gifts
    How can one differentiate between good and bad gifts? The key resides primarily in the motivation of the sender. What does he or she hope to gain by giving the gift? Is the motivation godly or ungodly? What is expected in return? Are there strings attached to the gift?
    A test for bad gifts would include the following questions:
Do you have a bad feeling about the gift?
Has the Spirit given you a check in your spirit?
Is the gift inappropriate?
Did it cost too much?
    Is it too personal? For example, a man giving lingerie to a married woman is inappropriate. Gifts often create an unhealthy obligation. Jewelry is often such a gift. Rings particularly are used to bind someone, and often excused or disguised as rings of “friendship.” They are usually inappropriate.
    Years ago the husband of a professional tennis player came for ministry, seeking help to recover his wife from a lesbian society connected to women tennis players. This perverted group sent the young wife to a “special trainer,” someone who also indoctrinated women sexually. At the close of the training sessions, she gave each woman a ring. Afterward, there were strong soul-ties bound to that perverted society.
    Most of us are not used to thinking in such terms, nor are we in the habit of looking a gift horse in the mouth, but we need to be wary of any gift that we feel is in some way inappropriate. Any gift received which the recipient would be unwilling to publicly acknowledge having received, is probably an inappropriate gift.
    We were called for help in a case that involved a female prayer group leader who complained of confusion and mind-blockages. She also mentioned having been repeatedly sent expensive gifts by a woman in her prayer group. She, and we, finally determined there were lesbian overtones to the gifts. When they were all returned or destroyed, the woman’s power over the prayer group leader was broken.
    Gifts of large sums of money given by one family member to another can create a great bondage of obligation and soul control.
    Assistance
    Even assistance can create bondage if strings are attached. The bondages may not come directly as the result of a gift, but rather as the result of “help extended,” often in a time of need. For example, someone pays your fine or bails you out of jail, and thus puts you under obligation.
    How may we determine whether a gift or action is intended to create a problem for us? Is there a test? The difference between a kind act and a manipulative act tends to be determined by ascertaining whether there are “strings” attached to the act, and whether you feel free to subsequently “walk away.”
    A parent or friend may perform valid acts of generosity, or again, there may be strings attached.
    If there are manipulative phrases such as the following attached, beware:
“I’ll buy this for you, if...”
“Your father and I will buy you a house, if you’ll live next door to us.”
“If you