Free In Too Deep by Michelle Kemper Brownlow Page A

and that wasn’t going to be an easy task. I was even more insecure about myself than I ever was before. There was the potential for him to translate “insecure” as “clingy,” but he was going to have to bite that bullet and help me through. It was all on him. He had a lot to prove. He had to prove to me that I could trust him. He had to prove he would never make that mistake again. He wouldn’t.
    He couldn’t.
    I fell asleep with a smile on my face, still listening to Pearl Jam, “Oceans.” My gentle lullaby that night was Eddie’s voice telling me it was okay to think about Noah’s touch and to hold on even when the currents shift because he will be there.

Ten

    Like clockwork, over the next week and a half, Noah texted me three times every day. He had a copy of my schedule from when he was pledging so he basically knew my every move. I could count on a Good Morning text before I even left the apartment, some sort of Hope your day is going well text on my way home for lunch and a Sweet Dreams text in the evening, sometimes just as I laid my head on my pillow. I didn’t see him at all, and I never once texted him back the first week. He remained focused on me regardless. The second week I started texting him back.
    It was Friday, exactly two weeks since the night of the formal and just a day short of two weeks since Noah had come to the apartment pleading his case. We hadn’t laid eyes on each other since. He wasn’t being pushy, he was giving me space. Stacy and I did absolutely nothing the weekend in between but watch movies and eat ice cream. Jake and Sam popped in a couple times but said they felt out of place in, what they dubbed, “the estrogen fest.”
    I was on my way home from class wondering if Stacy made good on her promise to surprise me with awesome plans for the evening when my phone buzzed. I answered it right away and said, “You have amazing plans for us, don’t you?”
    “Uh…I hope you think they’re amazing.”
    Not for a second did I suspect the call to be from anyone other than Stacy. I certainly wasn’t expecting to hear Noah’s voice. I stopped dead in my tracks on the sidewalk and steadied myself against the fence woven between the Science buildings.
    “Noah.”
    “Hey.”
    I silently tried to talk myself out of a full-blown panic attack. There was no way I could speak more than one word at a time.
    “Gracie?”
    “Yeah.”
    “God, it’s so good to hear your voice. Baby, I miss you so much.”
    I nodded. I knew full well he couldn’t see me, but I needed to focus on not hyperventilating.
    “I need to see you. Can you come out to the party tonight? No pressure. I just want you to be near me.”
    I looked around nervously for someone to hand the phone to so I could outrun the panic that was filling my chest. I hadn’t expected it to be this hard to accept Noah back into my heart, but it was like my heart was warning me to run as fast as I could.
    “I’m expecting too much. I get it. I’ll let you go. Thank you for answering.” There was a long silence. I could hear him breathing. “Bye, Gracie.”
    “Bye.”
    I spent the next three hours trying to talk Stacy into going to the party with me. I knew I would never be able to walk in alone. I wasn’t sure how my body would react when I saw him. She finally agreed then called Jake to see if he would come, too.
    Stacy begrudgingly helped me pick something out to wear that was understated and simple. A concert tee, olive drab cargo capris and my Doc Martens. The three of us walked to the Sigma Chi house just as the sun was going down.
    “Would you look at this line? Gracie, we will never get in.”
    “I’ll text Noah that we are here and we’ll see what happens.” Part of me wanted him to ignore the text so Stacy would insist we leave and I wouldn’t have to deal with whatever was coming my way on the other side of that door. I thought I’d be excited when I was finally this close to him. I wasn’t. I was scared