Free The Darkness of Perfection by Michael Schneider Page B

going to wish for. I only wanted my momma and daddy to love me and want me again.
    I dropped the scoop and hugged her back. There was a hurting inside me. Why couldn’t I say my words better? I used to say words real good. Momma loved me then. Now I was stupid and ugly. Nobody would ever want me except Nicky. I tried really hard to be good so Nicky wouldn’t drown me like an ugly kitten like his daddy said. Nicky said he was my friend and he promised he’d always keep me and not throwme away.
    She kissed both my wet cheeks. Her eyes were always soft and kind like my momma’s, but not the same.
    She leaned in to whisper in my ear for one of our special talks. We had lots of special talks when no one was around to catch us. She said special talks were secrets just for girls and I couldn’t tell even Nicky about them. She always told me my words weren’t stupid, just scared, and that I was going to growup and be just as beautiful as my momma.
    “Jayden, your momma would love to have a cookie from you. Your momma loves you and misses you so much. Don’t ever doubt that,” she whispered. “I love you, too, so much, you sweet, beautiful girl. I always wanted a little girl just like you to love. I don’t knowhowor when, but I promise we’ll find a way for you to see your momma.” She kissed my cheeks again and gave me another big hug. “Nowwipe those tears and let’s finish these cookies so we can read a story before starting supper for the boys.”
    I rubbed my nose with the hem of my apron that was just like hers and tried to smile like a big girl.
    “Can we read about the tree and the little boy again?”
    I struggled to climb out of the darkness I was trapped in. I finally opened my eyes and blinked to try and focus in the dim light. I licked my dry lips as I studied my surroundings in confusion; I wasn’t at home or in my dorm room. My dorm was white and my bedroom at home was a buttery yellow. This room was large, stark, and cold. A couple of pieces of modern art hung on the tan walls providing the only color, and a dresser set against the far wall was stained a dark lacquer with black iron pulls. A matching desk and black leather chair sat in front of large windows covered by black and tan drapes.
    The drawn curtains hid what lay beyond.
    As I shifted on the bed I felt an ache in my right shoulder, making me aware that my arm was numb and stretched above my head. The sound of metal scraping against metal as I flexed my fingers startled me, and I turned to find the cause, shocked when I saw my wrist encircled in a metal handcuff attached to the iron headboard. I tugged uselessly and cried as my memory came rushing back: the creepy guy in the club, seeing the man from our summer cruise, getting sick at the club, and then nothingness. A pair of cold blue eyes flooded my mind, bringing all the pieces together: Nicky.
    “No. No. No,” I wailed in denial. I looked around the room quickly to see I was alone. I heard water running from beyond the bathroom door and knew I had only seconds to escape, however hopeless it appeared to be. I rolled over and rose up on my knees for leverage, groaning as my stomach twisted in pain. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat and began jerking and tugging at the cuff and headboard. “Please God, help me. I can’t be here,” I cried urgently.
    The bathroom door opened behind me and I screamed, quickly turning to press my back against the headboard, instinct kicking in to protect myself from being attacked from behind.
    Instead of Nicholas, though, it was the woman in my dream. She was older than in my memory, her hair a little shorter, and fine lines surrounded her eyes, but I still saw the same gentle woman who used to read and sing to me. Her eyes were filled with so much sorrow as she looked at me. She walked forward cautiously like she was approaching a wild animal, her hands held out showing me the cup of water and damp washcloth in her hands.
    “Jayden, calm down. I