Free The Collected Works of Chögyam Trungpa Collected Works: Volume Two by Chogyam Trungpa, Chögyam Trungpa Page A

when we are not doing sitting practice is also a part of the practice of meditation. One has to have some kind of self-consciousness in order to lead one’s life properly, to be meditative.
    Often the term self-consciousness is used pejoratively, which is not fair. Or we could say that there are different kinds of self-consciousness. One idea is that self-consciousness has to do with feeling guilty, feeling hurt, feeling pain. But that is not the kind of self-consciousness we are talking about. That kind of self-consciousness is a punishment to oneself. But that is more than self-consciousness. That is heavy-handed egotism. Something else is taking place there. The kind of self-consciousness we talk about in relation to awareness or mindfulness is just being yourself, simply. You possess two arms, you have a sink, you have dirty dishes, and you do a good job. Not for the sake of doing a good job. You just do it, and it turns out to be a good job by accident. That kind of self-consciousness is no problem. It is a way of handling yourself properly, being yourself. Once you take that kind of attitude, you just do it.
    It’s not a matter of being a great meditator who does a beautiful job of washing up. It’s without praise, without blame. As long as there is a notion of trying to prove something, you have the painful kind of self-consciousness, self-consciousness in the pejorative sense. That is the case as long as you’re concerned about the end product. “Look what a beautiful job I did. That’s because I studied and meditated.”
    That is the kind of problem that a lot of Zen students fall into. There is some problem having to do with a sense of showmanship. “We sit and therefore we do a good job. Come to Zen!” It’s like every Zen student is a self-existing Zen advertisement.
    The basic point is to be precise and direct and without aim. Be there precisely. There is a need for mindfulness, which is the equivalent of self-consciousness, if you like—light-handed self-consciousness, which does exist. As long as we feel we exist—which we don’t, but never mind about that problem; we actually don’t exist, but we think we do, and that provides us with a working basis; we don’t have to start 100 percent pure—as long as we feel we exist, let us be full. Let us begin that way. That seems to be the basic point for the practice of meditation. If I say too much, probably you’ll be confused, so let’s stop there.
    Student: When we speak of postmeditation awareness, does that mean we should try to be more aware or that it happens spontaneously because of meditation?
    Trungpa Rinpoche: One does try; not try-try, but just try.
    S: Sounds like quite a fine line.
    TR: Yes, that is what we are talking about. It is a very special way, but it does not have to be a big deal, particularly. You just have this aura that you are part of this meditation livelihood—basically, that your life is the practice of meditation. In fact, you find it difficult to shake it off. You might say, “I’m sick of the whole thing; now I’m giving up my awareness and my meditation completely.” Okay, do so. But then you find that something is haunting you constantly. You gave up meditation, but there you are—you have developed more awareness, more mindfulness. That always happens to people. So this is not a matter of something being imposed on you, but there is that element of something-or-other that goes on all the time.
    It’s like being in the world. You are in the midst of winter and you have that awareness; awareness of that wintry quality is there all the time. If you are in New York City, you don’t have to meditate on it. You don’t have to develop a special awarenesss of New-York-Cityness. You pick up the New-Yorkness anyhow, whether you are indoors or outdoors. There is an overall awareness, that you are in that particular location. So it’s more of a general climate than a particular effort. But that climate has to be