Free Jaine Austen 8 - Killer Cruise by Laura Levine Page A

tourist attractions in Puerto Vallarta. None of which I could afford.
    At about one-thirty, I turned off the light.
    But sleep would not come. Visions of brownies danced in my head.
    I could resist the lure of the buffet no longer. Surely Anton wasn’t still roaming around looking for me. I threw on my raincoat, rolling up my pajama bottoms so they wouldn’t show, and set out in search of empty calories.
    The buffet was surprisingly busy. Apparently I wasn’t the only late-night snacker on board. I scanned the room on Anton Alert, but much to my relief he wasn’t there.
    Five minutes later I was trotting back to my cabin with a brownie for me and roast turkey for Prozac. I’d just approached my cabin door when I caught a glimpse of Cookie slipping into Graham’s cabin, a bright chartreuse sweater over her nightgown.
    First Tom and Meg. Now Cookie and Graham. Love was all around me. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed by the way Robbie had cut the evening short. True, the spell had been broken, but if he were really interested in me, would he have called it a night so quickly? I didn’t think so.
    Oh, well. I refused to let it get me down. We Austens are made of sterner stuff. Throughout the generations our motto has always been: When the going gets tough, the tough get chocolate. With nuts, if possible.
    It worked for me.

YOU’VE GOT MAIL

    To: Jaineausten
From: Shoptillyoudrop
Subject: Off to Universal Studios!

    Good morning, honey! It’s a beautiful day here in sunny Los Angeles, and Daddy and I are off to the Universal Studios tour. I hear they take you on the street from Desperate Housewives . I just love that show. All the housewives are so cute. Especially Felicity Parker Longoria!

    Oops. Daddy’s yelling for me to hurry. Must dash.

    Lots of love from,

    Mom
    To: Jaineausten
From: Shoptillyoudrop
Subject: Desperate Housewife

    We’re back from Universal. What a fiasco! I never got to see any of the desperate housewives. Or street they live on.

    Would you believe Daddy tried to smoke his pipe on the tram?? The tour guide, a lovely young girl named Kimberly, told him as nice as you please that there was no smoking allowed. Which he should have realized since there was a big No Smoking sign at the front of the tram. But did Daddy cooperate? Of course not. He kept saying that the No Smoking sign didn’t apply to pipes, especially one that was once owned by Basil Rathbone.

    Kimberly tried to reason with him, but would he listen? Nooo! So before you could say, Elementary, my dear Watson , we were kicked off the tram! Right in front of the Jaws exhibit. Honestly, I felt like tossing your dad to the shark.

    All the passengers sat there and gawked as two guards hauled us off in a security cart. Some Japanese people even took our picture! I think they thought we were part of the show. The guards dropped us off at the main entrance and warned us to never come back to Universal Studios or any of its affiliates for as long as we live.

    I swear, I thought I’d die! If Daddy thinks I’m going sightseeing with him ever again, he’s sadly mistaken.

    Love from the original desperate housewife,

    Mom

    PS. One piece of good news. Before we got kicked off the tour, I got to talking with a darling young man visiting from Uzbekistan. I gave Vladimir your e-mail address. True, he’s not exactly “geographically desirable,” but who knows? He just might relocate to the United States one day.
    To: Jaineausten
From: DaddyO
Subject: Such a Fuss!

    I don’t suppose you know any of the honchos at Universal, do you, sweetheart? I intend to write them a very stern letter of complaint.

    Our prissy snip of a tour guide went crazy all because I happened to light my pipe on her stupid tram. Such a fuss. You’d think I’d taken out a loaded gun.

    But you’ll be proud to know your old daddy stood up for his rights and kept on smoking. I wasn’t about to let some little girl barely out of diapers tell Hank Austen