Free The Meaning of Liff by Douglas Adams, John Lloyd Page B

is about to uncoil terribly and slowly until it resembles a giant pencil sharpening.
     
    BODMIN
    The irrational and inevitable discrepancy between the amount pooled and the amount needed when a large group of people try to pay a bill together after a meal.
     
    BOLSOVER
    One of those brown plastic trays with bumps on, placed upside down in boxes of chocolates to make you think you're-getting two layers.
     
    BONKLE
    Of plumbing in old hotels, to make loud and unexplained noises in the night, particularly at about five o'clock in the morning.
     
    BOOLTEENS
    The small scatterings of foreign coins and half-p's which inhabit dressing tables. Since they are never used and never thrown away boolteens account for a significant drain on the world's money supply.
     
    BOOTHBY GRAFFOE
    1. The man in the pub who slaps people on the back as if they were old friends, when in fact he has no friends, largely on account of this habit. 2. Any story told by Robert Morley on chat shows.
     
    BOSCASTLE
    A huge pyramid of tin cans placed just inside the entrance to a supermarket.
     
    BOSEMAN
    One who spends all day loafing about near pedestrian crossing looking as if he's about to cross.
     
    BOTCHERBY
    The principle by which British roads are signposted.
     
    BOTLEY
    The prominent stain on a man's trouser crotch seen on his return from the lavatory. A botley proper is caused by an accident with the push taps, and should not be confused with any stain caused by insufficient waggling of the willy.
     
    BOTOLPHS
    Huge benign tumours which archdeacons and old chemisty teachers affect to wear on the sides of their noses.
     
    BOTUSFLEMING
    A small, long-handled steel trowel used by surgeons to remove the contents of a patient's nostrils prior to a sinus operation.
     
    BRADFORD
    A school teacher's old hairy jacket, now severely discoloured by chalk dust, ink, egg and the precipitations of unedifying chemical reactions.
     
    BRADWORTHY
    One who is skilled in the art of naming loaves.
     
    BRECON
    That part of the toenail which is designed to snag on nylon sheets.
     
    BRISBANE
    A perfectly reasonable explanation (Such as the one offered by a person with a gurgling cough which has nothing to do with the fact that they smoke fifty cigarettes a day.)
     
    BROATS
    A pair of trousers with a career behind them. Broats are most commonly seen on elderly retired army officers. Originally the brats were part of their best suit back in the thirties; then in the fifties they were demounted and used for gardening. Recently pensions not being what they were, the broats have been called out of retirement and reinstated as part of the best suit again.
     
    BROMPTON
    A bromton is that which is said to have been committed when you are convinced you are about to blow off with a resounding trumpeting noise in a public place and all that actually slips out is a tiny 'pfpt'.
     
    BROMSGROVE
    Any urban environment containing a small amount of dogturd and about forty-five tons of bent steel pylon or a lump of concrete with holes claiming to be sculpture. 'Oh, come my dear, and come with me. And wander 'neath the bromsgrove tree' - Betjeman.
     
    BROUGH SOWERBY
    One who has been working at that same desk in the same office for fifteen years and has very much his own ideas about why he is continually passed over for promotion.
     
    BRUMBY
    The fake antique plastic seal on a pretentious whisky bottle.
     
    BRYMBO
    The single unappetising bun left in a baker's shop after four p.m.
     
    BUDBY
    A nipple clearly defined through flimsy or wet material.
    BUDE A polite joke reserved for use in the presence of vicars.
     
    BULDOOO
    a virulent red-coloured pus which generally accompanies clonmult (q.v.) and sandberge (q.v.)
     
    BURBAGE
    The sound made by a liftful of people all trying to breathe politely through their noses.
     
    BURES
    The scabs on knees and elbows formed by a compulsion to make love on cheap Habitat floor-matting.
     
    BURLESTON
    That peculiarly tuneless humming