Free Grace Lost by M. Lauryl Lewis Page B

helpless,
embarrassed, and violated, but she did what it took to show me she was free of
bites. 
    “I hope you’re satisfied,” I said
to both men.  I walked to the girl and wrapped her in the towel, then
helped her to the corner of the room with the woodstove.  “Emilie, I’ll
bring you some clean clothes and a washcloth.”   She nodded but
remained quiet.
     “Emilie, can Gus look at
your leg?” I signaled toward him with my head. “He was a nurse in the Army, and
should clean it for you.”  She nodded in agreement, though
hesitantly.  “I promise he’s a good guy.  He’s not as bad as he’s
acting.  And Boggs is my best friend.  He’s ok too.  I promise.”
    While Gus used some cold rain
water we kept in a bucket and a wash cloth to wipe away dried blood from her
leg, he announced the wound was shallow and should heal if kept clean.  I
helped the girl clean her face and arms and afterward she slipped into a new
pair of pants and a t-shirt from the stock Gus had looted.
    “You hungry Emilie?” asked Boggs.
    She nodded, and was handed a bowl
of cold beans.
    “Sorry it’s not hot,” said Boggs.
    She ate hungrily and with her
mouth full said “it’s ok.”
    “I’m really sorry about all that
Emilie,” said Gus.  “We had to be careful, and I’m sorry we scared you.”
    I was handed another antibiotic
pill, and washed it down with water from my earlier supper.  I walked to a
dark corner and traded my soiled night gown for sweat pants and a pull-over
long sleeved shirt. 
    Boggs suggested we all try to
rest, and talk more in the morning.
    “Emilie, you can have my bed,” I
said.  I scooted over to one of the two bean bags and rested against it on
my right side, facing away from Gus and toward Emilie.  She crawled under
the covers.  Boggs closed the door to the woodstove to darken the room and
make the fire last.
    Gus lay back as far as he could in
one of the camping chairs and closed his eyes. “No one go outside till morning,
and not alone.”  No one answered him.  “We’ll pack up and move
out.   Find something more secure.  Leave the dead bastards
where they lay.”
    Emilie was breathing slowly and
evenly, signaling she was already asleep.  Boggs crawled over and nestled
in behind me, also resting on the bean bag.  He seemed hesitant to touch
me, and I longed for the comfort of his hand on mine.  He mirrored my body
with his and I could feel his breath on my neck.
    “Zoe, please don’t be mad at me
about earlier,” he whispered.  “Please…I just needed to be close to
you.  To know you were really alive and here with me.  I can’t
explain it well.  Please, don’t hate me for crossing a line.  You’re
my best friend, Zo, and I love you in so many ways.”
    I responded by reaching back and
finding his hand.  I pulled his arm around me.  He rested his head
between my shoulder and my neck, tightening his grip on me as if he feared I’d
fade into the night. 
    “I’m not mad, Boggs.  I just
didn’t know you felt like that about me.  And I know it wasn’t the right
time.  I’m not sure what to think, or feel.”
    He whispered one last thing. 
“Thank you for the picture of my parents.”  I fell asleep in his embrace,
as confused about life as I now was about death.

Chapter
5
 
    The sound of Emilie crying woke
me.  I tried to sit up, but Boggs’ arm still weighed me down.  My
body was stiff and my feet were cold.  It took me a few moments to orient myself
and recall the events from the middle of the night.
    “Emilie?” I called out softly.
    The two men were beginning to
stir.  I wriggled free of Boggs and crawled toward the girl, who was
gasping for breath.  “My brother, Joey,” she sobbed.  “I tried to save
him, to keep him from running ahead of me, but he fell.  There was nothing
I could do.  He was so young and so small for his age.  His screams…”
she trailed off, tears consuming her again.  “They tore him apart while