Free Holding Her in Madness by Kimber S. Dawn Page B

keeping my cool since moving here. I try to think back... I don’t have any problems with anybody. Shit, do I?
    No. Hell, I haven’t done a damn thing since moving here besides hang out with Josh and April. And Lil...
    WHAM!
    Everything comes flooding back, and the second my foggy mind processes it, a ragged sob escapes my sore throat.
    I feel a cool soft hand brush my arm before I hear a woman whisper, “Shhh, it’s okay, honey. You hurtin’? The doctor left pain meds ordered for you, sugar.” She taps under my chin, and I open my tear-filled eyes to see the most wrinkled face that holds the most beautiful, sparkling eyes I swear I’ve ever seen.
    She looks older than ninety in her skin, but her eyes are about the clearest and bluest I’ve seen since my baby sister’s newborn eyes. “Tell ya what. When I ask you for a number, you say ten.” She winks her right sapphire eye at me, and I can’t help the grin pulling up on the right side of my busted lips. “You say a ten, and I’ll get you the real good stuff, handsome.” She rocks her shoulders and drawls her words out when she says ‘Real good stuff.’ I smile and nod.
    “‘Kay sugar, now tell Ole CeCe what’s your pain? One being no pain, or ten being awful, terrible kinda hurtin’.” Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline.
    “It’s a ten, Miss CeCe.” My voice is so gravelly I don’t recognize it. I cough, trying to clear my throat.
    “Oh, honey, don’t do that. I found some trauma to the roof of your mouth, around your tonsils, and the back of your throat during my assessment when the EMS boys first brought you in. Not sure what the hell happened. Your friend said he found you in your bathroom passed out on the floor. So he wasn’t any help. I’m gonna go get you something for your pain, maybe some ice chips, and then you and me are gonna have ourselves a little chat.”
    She runs her hands along the bed linens, straightening them up, then sets a remote on the bed. “That there is your call bell, sugar. You hit that if you need Ole CeCe now, ya hear?”
    I nod and she quietly leaves, closing the door behind her.
    As soon as the door shuts, anxiety wraps around my chest and throat at the same time. It constricts around my lungs and windpipe and I can’t breathe.
    I lost her.
    I lost my firecracker.
    She’s fucking gone. All the pain in every nerve receptor on my physical body can’t match the pain tearing me apart inside once this thought hits me.
    “She’s fuckin’ gone...” rasps out, falling from my lips before I can bite my mouth shut. The sound of the door closing has my eyes snapping back open.
    “Ooohhh...shush now, honey.” Her fingers are untangling the IV lines. I relax back into the pillow then hear Miss CeCe whisper, “This is gonna make the sting on the outside go away. Now, it won’t do a damn thing for the pain on the inside. I’m sorry, but it won’t. After you feel it hit ya, eatcha some ice chips, dear. Then you relax and get ready. I got some questions for ya, sugar. And they ain’t gonna feel good talkin’ ‘bout it.”
    My eyelids flutter closed, and I let out a sigh. Before I can inhale my next breath, the meds hit me. And fuck it feels good. So fucking good that it takes both the pain on the outside and the inside away.
    Feels as good as my firecracker on a blanket under the stars by the lapping water of the lake against the beach. It feels like home.
    There’s only one place I’ve ever felt at home. That’s in Lil’s arms, with her fingers running through my hair, her breath skating across my skin, her laughing with her mouth against my ear, or me on top of her as she falls apart from my touch and when we’re making love.
    I fucking love this damn shit. “Miss CeCe, what’s that you just gave me? What’s the name of it?”
    “Son of a... Dammit, I asked that boy that came in with ya if you were allergic to anything. You allergic to Dilaudid, honey?”
    Her poor little wrinkled brows remind me of