Free Praefatio: A Novel by Georgia McBride Page B

from them was intense, exciting. Gavin’s show . How could I have forgotten?
    Everything was amplified, but not necessarily loud. The sounds were clearer and more distinct. I could hear the cylinder release as Sean turned the door handle to open it. And then, the sound of his hand as he shoved it into one of the five pockets on his crisp, denim jeans. New, his first time wearing them . I could smell the plastic in which they had arrived at the store. I heard the sound of his tendons stretching as he positioned his wrist and forearm to grab the railing and run down the steps.
    Three distinct breathing patterns, three heartbeats, and one growling stomach rushed toward me. I sensed their emotions: embarrassment, hunger, self-loathing, despair, lust, anger. One by one, I listened intently, though not on purpose. I had no idea how to control it, to turn off the voices. I hated knowing that Jenny and Sean were both thinking things they would be horrified to know I’d overheard.
    Had Remi been listening too? All this time? I couldn’t believe how well he’d managed to hide this from me.
    They blew past me like I wasn’t even there. Had they planned to leave for the show without me? They ran through the open gate and slid effortlessly into Sean’s brother Andrew’s 2006 black Mazda 3 hatchback.
    “Hi, guys,” I managed well after they were already in Andrew’s car. They were leaving without me.
    “Not funny, Andrew!” I shouted, half laughing and half terrified. I tried to catch up with them as Remi slammed the last of the car doors. Jenny sat up front while Remi lounged in the back seat with Sean. “Jenny?” I called.
    But it was no use. Andrew pulled out of the driveway, turned the car in my direction, and drove off. Remi sat on the passenger side, facing me as I looked on from the steps. I stared right into the light bulbs of the Mazda 3 as they passed. I saw clear into the filament fibers. The right bulb had about six months before it would burn out. The left one, only three weeks.
    Inhaling deeply was a mistake. Andrew got the brushless car wash, no scratches. He’d gotten it cleaned that afternoon. The vanilla air freshener clashed with Jenny’s loud perfume. I figured they would need to open the windows pretty soon.
    As they passed, Remi looked directly into my eyes and thought, See you after the show.
    Dumbstruck, I couldn’t speak. I could hear Remi again! Well, I couldn’t anymore. I think he allowed me to hear him just then and immediately shut me out. Jerk!
    A slight ache returned to my sides along with lightheadedness. I felt an overwhelming urge to nap. Sudden warmth enveloped me, and I began to sweat. Lifting my legs up the front steps seemed like a near-impossible feat. My heart beat as if it wanted freedom from my chest.
    Since flying to my room wasn’t an option, I forced myself up. Exhaustion threatened to send me tumbling back down the four steps I had managed to ascend. To keep from falling backward, I grabbed the railing. For crying out loud, I wish I could just be in my room already! I inhaled deeply, and when I opened my eyes, I was in my bedroom.

This is All Your Fault
    My room looked the same as when I’d left it: bed unmade and Mr. Fluffy Rabbit on the floor, face up, observing the world through his good eye. In my room, a sense of sadness, as if everything that had happened in this house was meaningless, threatened to overwhelm me. That Mom and Dad and maybe even Remi had been playing me with their words, actions, and innuendos. They knew what I was, what we all were, and yet they fed me what they wanted me to know. My emotions, my fears, my pain, all of it, useless in the context of what I’d learned from my Mom. My Mom. Vivienne. I thought about my dad and things he’d said to me.
    “Gracie, your Mom means well. She really does. I know it’s hard to understand right now, but she’s doing what she thinks is best for you, for all of us. She really loves you in her own way,” he