Free It’s Christmas Everywhere But Here by Liam Grey Page A

the footsteps pounding down the hall and the bathroom sink running.
    “Well.” Doris was moving food around her plate again. Russ caught himself doing the same thing and deliberately speared a bit of green bean. “You can have a nice lunch before we send you on your way.”
    Russ forced a smile, swallowing several times to get the lump of green bean down his throat. “Actually, we’ll probably leave after an early breakfast. We left the fridge empty, and I don’t want to get home at nine, ten at night and have to go grocery shopping.”
    “Plus.” Dave wiped his mouth on the cloth napkin, “Unless things have changed, Austin was more flexible in the mornings after a good night’s sleep. In the evenings he’d get worn out and unmanageable.”
    Russ tried to keep the wince off his face at the final word. He reached over to squeeze Dave’s bicep and smile, truly smile, at his husband. “No, that’s still pretty accurate. Okay in the mornings, overloaded in the evenings.”
    “Do you need me to help pack?”
    Russ slid his hand down Dave’s arm until they held hands across Austin’s empty seat. He tried to let everyone else at the table fade into the background. “Yeah, actually, babe. If we could get the presents loaded tonight, and most of our clothes and stuff, except what we’re going to wear tomorrow, that’ll save a lot of time in the morning.”
    “Yeah, then we can just pack ourselves and whatever snacks we’re going to take and head out.” Dave squeezed his hand back.
    “You might want to fill up tonight too.” Max’s suggestion broke the spell, but he merely smiled in the face of Russ’s glare.
    “Dad, may I be excused?”
    “Yeah.”
    “Sure, Ems.” Russ shot a sidelong glance at Dave, to find a similar look heading his way.
    “Ems,” Russ started.
    “I heard. I’ll pick out a couple things and see if I can get Aus to decide.”
    “Thanks, hon.”
    Russ felt like eating again and pulled his hand away from Dave to pick up his fork.
    “So. It sounds like you’re decided.” Doris twisted her napkin back and forth.
    “Yup, I think so.” Yes, that felt—right. Dave popped another bite into his mouth.
    Dinner concluded in awkward silence, Russ the last one at the table, finishing off a second half-full plate. Doris was in the kitchen when he took his plate in, rattling pans around. “I’ll make popovers for tomorrow.”
    “That sounds good.” Dave loaded the plate in the dishwasher and rinsed off his hands. “I’m gonna run and gas up the truck. Do you need anything from the store?”
    “No. Thank you, though.” She wasn’t looking at him, concentrating on lining up her ingredients on the counter.
    “Sure.”
    He was halfway across the dining room when her soft “Russell?” stopped him.
    “Yeah?”
    “Why are you really going home?”
    Russ stopped, leaning on a chair, not sure how to answer. She was part of the reason, but if he said that, there would be tears.
    “Is it because you want to— be with David?”
    Russ blew out his breath in relief. “That is certainly part of it. But the points about Austin are also valid.”
    Doris nodded, her back still to him.
    The silence stretched out. Russ tried to think of something to say, but “I’m sorry” accepted blame, and nothing else leaped to mind.
    “This wasn’t the Christmas I wanted.” Doris’s voice remained soft.
    Russ managed to swallow his “Then you should lower your expectations” comment. Him being gay was not a lowered expectation, it was a different expectation. Russ lifted his gaze away from the baseboard.
    “You know, Mom, one thing Austin taught me was that having expectations often means having them disappointed. It was difficult getting over my expectations of how he ‘should’ behave and just accepting him. But when I did, it made life with him so much more fun. I was able to enjoy the moment, just as it was, rather than be frustrated it didn’t reach some imaginary bar I’d set.” Russ