Free A Nation Betrayed: Secret Cold War Experiments Performed on Our Children and Other Innocent People by Carol Rutz Page A

Being the pedophile that he was, I’m sure he thoroughly enjoyed the part they gave him in my training. By this time, he had sold the greenhouse and moved a half block away into a new brick home with a basement. It was this basement that I would come to despise more than any other symbol of my childhood. In 1954, I was still only six years old and attending second grade. I was forced to participate in a traumatizing initiation rite of manhood for my twelve-year-old brother on Grandfather’s pool table in the basement. I was to totally lose my sexual self to a new persona created that day from the trauma I was forced to endure. I stared at the swinging lamp above the pool table while the initiation was culminated, and lost myself in a haze of darkness for the next thirty years.
     
    Grandfather gave the new part created that day the name Carlotta. From that day forward he trained her in various ways to please one particular man. He was a very wealthy man who I knew as Rocky. He contributed large sums of money to the “Cause”; consequently, whatever he wanted he got.
     
    Grandfather would arrange to have me stay the night when he had a mind to train me. He would leave his glass eye on the bedside table and I would take his hand and follow him to the basement. Training was tedious and often I would be slapped for not doing it right. I became like an automaton, as I stared into the hole where his eye should have been, listened and followed his instructions.
     
    Two years later my grandfather and an uncle, (Norman’s father) used the basement for their kiddy porn productions. One afternoon, I was listening to Paul Harvey’s noon broadcast on the radio with grandfather. He always sat by the window overlooking the lake and rocked and listened attentively whenever Paul spoke. To Grandfather it was almost a holy event, and anyone who dared disturb him during the broadcast would face his wrath. When the broadcast was finished he walked over to the incinerator door that was in the wall in the kitchen and motioned for me to come over. He grabbed my arm and proceeded to push my head with his other hand into the opening. I remember the smell and the heat, and I could feel my face flushing. It seemed like an eternity before he pulled my head away. He marched me down the basement stairs, and when we got next to the furnace he showed me the flames and informed me that this is where anything he stuck in the incinerator door upstairs went. Ashes, that’s what I remember. Ashes are all that would remain of me if I didn’t cooperate.
     
    It wasn’t long till the kiddy porn photography session started. I was nowhere to be found. I had created Mary, a new personality, to take my place after the threat of burning in the inferno that I saw inside the furnace. Sometimes I would be alone and asked to pose in what I now know were provocative poses. Other times Grandfather would have some of the other grandchildren there with me. The fear he was able to produce guaranteed cooperation.
     
    I remember two other things about that year. One is my fourth grade teacher’s name and that she wore beautiful shoes. The other is that I joined the Girl Scouts, and I had to go through an initiation ceremony where I stood on a mirror. As harmless as this was for the rest of the brownie troop, as soon as I heard the word initiation, I left and my alter Carlotta came. The rest is still a blur.
     
    1957 was to bring with it one last baby for Momma. In December quite near my tenth birthday, my last brother was born. By age thirty-two, Momma had given birth to eight children. By Mothers’ Day, the following year, she was clinging to life from a hysterectomy.
     
    Daddy took us all to the hospital and the sight we saw terrified each of us. Hanging from a pole was a bag of blood and another bag with clear fluids. Momma looked all white, and she managed a weak smile when he paraded us all in. I wanted to crawl up on the bed and lay my head on her shoulder, but