Free Bonjour Tristesse by Françoise Sagan Page A

night long. I could not bear the thought of the night without him.
     
     
    6
    The next morning I took my father for a walk along the road. We talked gaily of insignificant things. I suggested going back to the villa by way of the pine wood. It was exactly half-past ten; I was on time. My father walked in front of me on the narrow path and pushed aside the brambles, so that I should not scratch my legs. When he stopped dead in his tracks I knew he had seen them. I went up to him; Cyril and Elsa were lying apparently asleep on the pine needles. Although they were acting entirely on my instructions, and I knew very well that they were not in love, they were nevertheless both young and beautiful, and I could not help feeling a pang of jealousy. I noticed that my father had become abnormally pale. I took him by the arm:
    "Don't let's disturb them. Come on!" He glanced once more at Elsa, who was looking particularly pretty with her red hair spread out, and a half-smile on her lips: then he turned on his heel and walked on at a brisk pace. I could hear him muttering: "The bitch! The bitch!"
    "Why do you say that? She's free, isn't she?"
    "That's not the point! Did you find it very pleasant to see her in Cyril's arms?"
    "I don't love him any more," I said.
    "Neither do I love Elsa," he answered furiously. "But it hurts all the same. After all, I've lived with her, which makes it even worse."
    I knew very well what he meant. He must have felt like dashing up to separate them and seizing his property, or what had once been his property. "Supposing Anne were to hear you?"
    "What do you mean? Well, of course, she wouldn't understand, she'd be shocked, that's normal enough! But what about you? Don't YOU understand me any more? Are you shocked too?"
    How easy it was for me to steer his thoughts in the direction I wanted! It was rather frightening to know him so well.
    "Of course I'm not shocked," I said. "But you must see things as they are: Elsa has a short memory, she finds Cyril attractive, and that's the end of it as far as you're concerned. After all, look how you behaved to her, it was unforgivable!"
    "If I wanted her ..." my father began, and then stopped short.
    "You'd have no luck," I said convincingly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world for me to discuss his chances of getting Elsa back.
    "Anyhow it is out of the question," he said in a more resigned voice.
    "Of course it is!" I answered with a shrug of my shoulders, which was meant to convey that he, poor chap, was out of the running now. He said not another word until we reached the house. Then he took Anne into his arms and held her close to him. She was surprised, but gladly submitted to his embrace. I went out of the room trembling with shame.
    At two o'clock I heard a soft whistle, and went down to join Cyril on the beach. We got into the boat and sailed out to sea. There was nothing in sight, no-one else was out in that heat. When we were some way from the shore, he lowered the sail. So far we had hardly exchanged a word.
    "This morning ..." he began.
    "Please don't talk about it!" I said.
    He gently pushed me down in the boat. I could feel it swaying as we made love; the sky seemed to be falling onto us. I spoke to him, but he made no reply, there was no need. Afterwards there was the tang of salt water. We sunbathed, laughed and were happy. We had the sun and the sea, laughter and love: I wonder if we shall ever again recapture the particular flavour and brilliance of those days, heightened as they were for me by an undercurrent of fear and remorse?
     
    The time passed quickly. I almost forgot Anne, my father, and Elsa. Through love I had entered another world: I felt dreamy, yet wide awake, peaceful and contented. Cyril asked me if I was not afraid. I told him that I was entirely his, and he seemed satisfied that it should be so. Perhaps I had given myself to him so easily because I knew that if I had a child, he would be prepared to take the blame, and