Free Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks Page A

institution until I was taken away from it by a man I'd never met before."
    Lisette blushed and swallowed hard; Madame Azaire's face showed a momentary concern as she said, "I'm sorry, Monsieur. Lisette is always asking questions."
    "There's nothing to apologize for." He smiled at Lisette. "Nothing at all. I'm not ashamed."
    Marguerite brought some fillet of beef on a blue-patterned dish which she set down in front of Madame Azaire. "Should I bring some red wine?" she said. "There's some from last night."
    "All right." Madame Azaire put a slice of the bloody meat on each of three plates. Stephen refilled their glasses. In his mind he was remembering the press of Madame Azaire's leg against his own in the water gardens. The skin on her bare arms was a light brown; her mannish waistcoat and open neck made her look even more feminine than usual.
    "I shall be returning to England soon," he said. "I had a telegram telling me I was wanted back in London."
    Neither of the others spoke. The atmosphere had thickened. He "I shall be sorry to leave," he said.
    "You can always come back and visit us another day," said Madame Azaire.
    "Yes, I could come back another day."
    Marguerite brought in a dish of potatoes. Lisette stretched and smiled. "Oh, I feel sleepy," she said happily.
    "That's because of all the wine you've been drinking." Madame Azaire also smiled and the air seemed to lighten again. They finished lunch with some fruit, and Marguerite took coffee to the sitting room. They sat around the card table where Stephen had played on his first night in the house.
    "I'm going to go out for a walk in the garden," said Lisette. "Then I might go to my room for a little sleep."
    "All right," said Madame Azaire.
    Lisette's light step crossed the room and disappeared.
    At once the atmosphere changed, and this time it was beyond recall. Madame Azaire could not meet Stephen's eye. She looked down at the card table and played with the silver spoon in the thin china saucer. Stephen could feel his chest contract. He was finding it difficult to breathe.
    "Have some more coff--"
    "No."
    The silence returned.
    "Look at me."
    She would not raise her head. She stood up and said, "I'm going to do some sewing in my room, so--"
    "Isabelle." He had grasped her arm.
    "No. Please no."
    He pulled her to him and wrapped both arms around her so she could not escape. Her eyes were closed and he kissed her mouth, which opened. He felt her tongue flicker and her hands press his back, then she pulled herself away from his tight grip, tearing the white blouse as she did so, revealing a thin satin strap beneath. Stephen's body convulsed with desire.
    "You must. For God's sake, you must." He raged at her.
    Madame Azaire was crying, though her eyes were closed. "No, I cannot, I hardly... I hardly think it would be right."
    "You were going to say 'I hardly know you.' "
    "No. Just that it's not right."
    "It is right. You know it's right. It's as right as anything can ever be. Isabelle, I understand you. Believe me. I understand you. I love you."
    He kissed her again and her mouth once more responded to his. He tasted the sweetness of her saliva then buried his face against her shoulder. She pulled away from him and ran from the room. Stephen went to the window and held on to the frame as he looked out. The force that drove through him could not be stopped. The part of his mind that remained calm accepted this; if the necessity could not be denied, then the question was only whether it could be achieved with her consent.
    In her room Madame Azaire wept as she paced from one side to the other. She was choking with passion for him, but he frightened her. She wanted to comfort him but also to be taken by him, to be used by him. Currents of desire and excitement that she had not known or thought about for years now flooded in her. She wanted him to bring alive what she had buried and to demean, destroy, her fabricated self. He was very young. She was unsure. She wanted the