Free The Manny Files book1 by Christian Burch Page A

lowswimming group, and about Craig and his new hat, which happened to be my underwear.
    “He sounds like a butt head,” the manny said, laughing at his own joke.
    It took me a minute to laugh, but when I did, the manny said, “Oh, thank goodness, I thought I’d lost my gift of humor. I don’t think I could cope with losing my humor and my hair all in one lifetime.”
    I laughed again.
    Then the manny told me that Craig probably did that to be the center of attention. He said that Craig probably knows that I don’t have to do anything to be the center of attention because I have natural charisma and style. He said that I’m just like John F. Kennedy, and Craig is more like Richard Nixon.
    I saw a television show about Richard Nixon on the Biography Channel. He had cheeks like Droopy Dog.
    “Go get your homework done,” said the manny. “Your uncle Max is coming to dinner tonight.”
    I disappeared to my room and didn’t come out again until I was called for dinner. I had been putting all of my sweaters and winter things into big Rubbermaid tubs, replacing them with khaki shorts, Hawaiian shirts, andlinen pants that Dad had brought for me from Mexico.
    When I walked through the living room, Grandma’s bed was empty and her wheelchair was gone. She was in the dining room with everyone else. They screamed,
“Surprise!!!”
when I walked in. Everybody was sitting around the dining-room table. Grandma was wheeled up next to Lulu.
    They all had underwear on their heads.
    Even Lulu, who hates the word
underwear.
    Mom had on a pair of Dad’s boxers.
    Dad had one of Mom’s bras.
    Lulu had a pair of India’s flowered panties.
    India had Lulu’s Tuesday underwear.
    Belly had DecapiTina’s little white ones hanging off one ear.
    Grandma had on one of Belly’s nighttime pull-up diapers.
    The manny had a pair of boxer briefs.
    And Uncle Max was wearing a pair of Grandma’s big lacy ones, the ones that my sisters had held up and laughed at when they unpacked Grandma’s suitcase.
    The manny handed me a pair of my own Scooby Doo underwear to wear on my head.
    We ate the entire dinner that way. Dad even answered the door with Mom’s bra on his head.It was Lucy, our next-door neighbor, selling Girl Scout Cookies.
    He bought four boxes of Thin Mints.

    May 22
    Scotty joined Sarah’s KICK club today. When he saw my Scooby Doo underwear on Craig’s head, he pulled down the waistband of his jeans to show me that he had the same pair of Scooby Doo underwear on, only with a blue waistband instead of red.
    I found Lulu’s “The Manny Files” today. She was at Margo’s house working on a school project, and she had accidentally left it on the diningroom table. I opened it and started to read the first page, but I slammed it closed when the manny walked into the room. He asked me how I’d feel if Lulu found my journal and read
my
secret thoughts. I didn’t see anything in her notebook except the words “belongs in a circus.” I think the manny belongs in a circus too, but probably for different reasons than Lulu does.

    Born on this day: Sir Laurence Olivier, Mary Cassatt, Harvey Milk
     

11
Which Do You Like Better, Bert or Ernie?
     
    Our last writing assignment for the school year was to write a one-paragraph essay about what we want to be when we grow up. Sarah wants to be a horse veterinarian. Scotty wants to be a children’s doctor. The poofy-red-haired girl wants to own a beauty salon. Craig wants to play on a professional football team.
    I think that Craig should be more realistic. Maybe he’ll get to play in a prison league someday.
    I want to be a concierge in a fancy hotel like the Ritz-Carlton or the Four Seasons. The concierge gets to wear a suit and make reservations at five-star restaurants and theater shows for people who have forgotten how to do it themselves. Last year, before Grandma fell and broke her hip, India and I went to New York City with her. We stayed at the Waldorf-Astoria and she took us out