Free Three Ex Presidents and James Franco by John Buchanan Page A

go along with. The tactic was simple. All I needed to provide him with is a type of friendship he would enjoy but was never aware he sought.
     
                  Men, generally, don't get many compliments from other men. Not because they don't crave them, but just because it's a social norm not to give them. And like all social norms, breaking it may be in itself a harmless act, but the act of breaking it arises suspicion. A man might like to be told he has beautiful eyes. If another man says it it’s still flattering, but the fact it was said raises discomfort.
     
                  So though Eric and his friends spent an interminable amount of time in the gym perfecting themselves, bringing too close attention to each others bodies was crossing a line. While they would appraise each others with their eyes, out of envy or curiosity as to what they did to get their arms just like that, to give vocal expression to such jealousy or curiosity was inappropriate. This blatant homoeroticism has always fascinated me. The fact that it is unacceptable to tell another man they have achieved a beautiful body, or to admire it with the eye, makes no logical sense. Women do it with each other all the time. But that is the problem, as women do it its seen as being a feminine trait. Surely it has not always been like this.
     
                  I imagined that maybe I could cross this divide in someway. If Eric was not accustomed to getting complements from other men then maybe he'd make an exception in my case. It would be one of those things I did because of the whole gay thing. A peculiar, but necessary character trait. Or maybe I could get away with it because I'm European.
     
                  Some men take offence at another man finding him attractive. They might even consider themselves liberal, yet they still get a feeling of discomfort. I t’ s the difference between thoughts and feelings. They can't help it.
     
                  And there lies the key. A man can be in control of himself to the point where he allows himself, forces himself even, to befriend gay men. But when he starts feeling some levels of prejudice he has to stop and think. Does being friends with a gay man mean he has to be able to complement me? Is that part of it? Is this guy checking me out? Am I supposed to be ok with that?
     
                  Because if a good looking man can't be friends with a guy who finds him attractive, it means he can't be friends with any gay guys. And that just won't do in this day and age.
     
     
    37. When it comes to anything sexual, guys assume that other guys think like them. Gay or straight, their behaviour is seen as fairly formulaic.
     
                  When we see a guy ingratiating himself to a girl, we don't suspect a budding friendship. I t’ s clearly an attempt to achieve something more. The girl might be aware of this, but will likely deny all knowledge, and will perhaps be flattered by the attention. So when a gay guy ingratiates himself to another guy, this motive is suspected. Why me? Does he find me attractive?
     
                  Which leads to one of two things. Firstly, the straight guy can get paranoid. The most serious thought going through his head is if there is something about himself which has appealed to the gay guy. Do I act a bit fruity? Have I given out the wrong signals? This line of thinking leads inevitably to friction and the end of any possible friendship.
     
                  The second possible consequence is the more enlightened way of thinking, which can loosely be described as Who Gives a Shit? This tends to be the reaction of the thoroughly sexually confident, who see nothing threatening in the situation. Or the thoroughly scatter-brained, who simply have too many things to worry about to find time to hypothesise on the motives of their friends.
     
                  So, in order