Free Snow Angels, Secrets and Christmas Cake by Sue Watson Page B

cigarette.
    ‘She’ll be fine. She’s a tough lady,’ he said, breathing a lungful of smoke and blowing it slowly out into the cold air.
    He was right, but at the moment she was definitely a little wonky. I was glad to be there for her in her moment of need – especially as none of her so-called friends had turned up. Mind you I’d met all her friends and there wasn’t one who would be happy to hurl bin bags onto a truck on a freezing cold morning in December. I almost smiled at the thought of that ‘up herself’ Anouska with her highlighted hair and always perfectly made up face. She was so thin she’d break if you handed her a filled bin liner.
    ‘I just hope Tamsin’s hubby hasn’t done anything stupid,’ Gabe said, flicking his fag ash on the ground. I wrapped my cardigan around me, it was freezing cold, but I wanted to talk. ‘Do you mean...?’
    ‘I dunno. People do stupid stuff when they can’t see a way out.’
    ‘Simon’s too egotistical,’ Richard suddenly said into the smoke and the steam from our breaths. I had to agree, Richard had, along with me suffered a few of Tamsin’s dinner parties in the year we’d been together and said Simon seemed to look down on everyone. My brother-in-law was an ambitious man – he wanted to be the best and have the best – nothing was ever quite good enough for him. I think Tamsin felt at times that she wasn’t good enough for him either. I worried their relationship fed into her low self-esteem, because despite the bluster and the money and the talk – she was incredibly insecure.
    ‘Well, I just hope he’s still in one piece – ego or not,’ Gabe sighed, looking at Richard and taking another long curl of smoke.
    As a reformed smoker I always wanted a cigarette and I couldn’t watch a second longer and asked Gabe for a fag. Richard looked at me with vague disapproval and I ignored him. I was a grown-up and I would smoke if I wanted to. No one controlled me – I’d had enough disapproval from Tamsin for a lifetime and I was damned if I was going to be made to feel guilty about having a cigarette.
    Gabe rolled me one and I took it between my thumb and forefinger, breathing it in slowly, relishing the warm, soothing hit at the back of my throat.
    We were all standing there contemplating unloading another black bin liner from Tamsin’s life when she appeared in the doorway, hair on end.
    ‘My Gaggia!’ she shrieked.
    We all looked at her bemused.
    ‘Your whattia?’ Gabe joked, still leaning nonchalantly against his truck, his eyes half-closed through smoke.
    ‘My coffee maker... I left it behind.’
    He smiled, gave a nod and slowly stubbing out his cigarette with his boot, climbed in the truck and drove off.
    Richard and I both looked at her.
    ‘What? I may not have a home, a car or a husband... but I’m damned if I’m going to drop my standards... is that a cigarette in your mouth, madam?’ she asked. I felt fourteen again and was about to tell her to piss off but she went back inside.
    ‘Ha, you’re in trouble,’ Richard laughed.
    ‘I feel for her and I know she’s hurting. But I want to kill her and it’s only Day One,’ I said.
    ‘Well, I can’t stay around watching this comedy unfold. You have sanctuary in the form of keys to my place if you change your mind,’ he smiled.
    I wrapped my arms around him. There was nothing I would have loved more than to take Jacob and go over to his place there and then. My heart wanted to snuggle down on his comfy old sofa and sleep in his big bed, but my head kept saying no.
    I waved him off and once inside put the kettle on and made Tamsin some tea to calm her down until her Gaggia arrived.
    ‘I wonder if Simon’s okay?’ I said. I felt I should at least broach the possibility that he might be distressed somewhere and contemplating taking his own life.
    ‘He’s fine. I heard from the accountant when you went downstairs, didn’t want to say in front of the kids... the coward took his