Free Margot: A Novel by [email protected] Page A

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    01 keeping secrets. I am wrapped in them now, the way I am
02 wrapped in lies, like my sweater, clinging tightly to my skin,
03 even on the hottest of days.
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06 When the big clock by the elevator strikes four o’clock, I lie
07 to Shelby and tell her I have a doctor’s appointment and have
08 to leave early.
09 “Everything all right?” she asks. I nod and stare past her,
10 in through the glass window by Joshua’s office. He has the
11 phone slung between his shoulder and his ear, and his brow
12 is ripe with concentration as he’s talking. He notices me gath
13 ering my things, and he waves me toward the elevator and
14 shoots me his uniquely Joshua smile. I smile back.
15 But in the elevator, I am no longer smiling. I hold tightly
16 to the yellow paper with Bryda’s address in my hand . I can lie
17 about this, I think, the way I have lied about so much else
18 already. I can tell Joshua I went and not go. I can crumple up
19 the paper in my hand and walk my usual route down Market
20 Street toward home.
21 But I also know that Joshua is a meticulous lawyer, and
22 that he will almost certainly follow up with Bryda with a
23 phone call, and that tomorrow, also, he will expect a list of
24 names and numbers from me.
25 I have a choice, I think as the elevator doors open into the
26 lobby and Henry tells me to have a good afternoon. I can do
27 as Joshua asks. Or I can walk out the door of this office build
28S ing and not come back. There would be other jobs, and there
29N is always Ilsa’s house.
I think about the way Joshua just smiled at me, the way he 01
is filled with so much goodness, and I know I will do what he 02
asks. I do not want another job. And besides, I think as I step 03
out onto the sidewalk, Ezra will never let Joshua take this any 04
further. 05
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01
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04 Chapter Fourteen
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14 I have to take two city buses to get to Bryda’s
15 apartment, and the whole way there I think about what I
16 will say to her. If she accuses me again, I will tell her that
17 she knows nothing about me. I will be strong, and I will be
18 firm, which are both things I am used to, and quite good at,
19 being.
20 I lean back against the hard bus seat, and take a few deep
21 breaths. I am glad to be sitting now, because my legs they
22 already feel unsteady.
23 In Amsterdam, before we went into hiding, Jews were no
24 longer allowed on buses, so we walked everywhere, even in
25 the heat of the summer, even with packages to carry. We
26 walked and we walked, our yellow star across our hearts, right
27 there, like a target.
28S In Philadelphia, it is easy to take a bus, and for this I am
29N grateful. There are so many, you just have to read the map to
know which one and pay a little money to be able to navigate 01
around the city. 02
I have never been to Bryda’s part of town before, and as 03
the bus pulls closer, I can see why. The buildings are shabby 04
row houses with crumbling striped awnings and low brick 05
apartments, flanked by beggars on the street. I think of 06
Jodenbreestraat, the street in the center of Amsterdam where 07
Jews lived, that began to crumble just before we went into 08
hiding. So many Jews taken away. There was no one left to 09
take care of the street any longer. 10
As the bus comes to a stop, I look out the window and 11
consider not getting off at all. There are beggars here too, 12
even at the bus stop. I could stay on the bus until it loops back 13
again closer to Center City, I think. 14
But I find myself standing slowly, walking toward the door 15
and then onto the street, where I find myself staring into the 16
face of a wan beggar. 17
She is a young girl, her hair pulled in a messy braid, her 18
face streaked with dirt. She holds out a cup and looks at me 19
with wounded brown eyes. She is too thin. Her dirty