Free J Roars by Emily Eck Page A

not normal. I'd be kidding myself if I thought I was. Nothing about the life I lived shared any resemblance with a normal life, whatever that was. My girl had slept peacefully last night. She didn't mumble pleas to the tormentor in her dream. She didn't kick and fight with invisible assailants. She didn't scream or shout, something that would've woke me up, and sent me straight into fight mode, ready to kick the ass of whoever was hurting her.
    Despite the many nights we'd spent together, her nightmares still woke me and made me want to hurt someone, to avenge the wrongs done to someone with so much love and light to give the world. Frequently, Elle didn't even remember the dreams. I learned to gently take her into my arms when she woke me up during one of her bad dreams , wrapping myself around her. Usually that was enough to chase away whatever demons were plaguing her that particular night.
    As I lay there, staring at her naked form next to me, I couldn't help wondering if José was right. Was he a better choice for her? I know I'd die protecting her, but would she even need protecting if it wasn't for me? Did José really keep himself clear of his family like he said? The selfish part of me didn't care who was better for her, I wanted her like I wanted my next breath, but I had moments where I wavered, where I questioned everything I thought I knew. Was she safer without a monster in her life?
    I was pondering this when she woke up and caught me staring. Would other girls think I was crazy for watching them sleep? Would they think it was cute or crazy? I didn't care to find out as there was only one girl I ever wanted in my bed again. Still...
    “You know, José’s right. I just bring you trouble. You’ve got yourself together. No more dangerous situations lurking around the corner, and then, BOOM, here I am. I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I’ve spent countless hours wondering if... if I’m just no good for you, Elle.” I had to ask. I had to know. I'd made her say the words so many times, yet I still couldn't grasp how she could love me, I mean really love me.  She edged up until we were face to face, though it wasn't her face that suddenly was all I could see. It was the scar on her side that was exposed, the sheet falling down, taunting me. The fucking sheet was taunting me, making me look at the damage I brought into Elle's life.
    She grabbed my hand and put it over the scar that marred her beautiful porcelain skin. I didn't want to touch it because it made it all the more real. I shot the woman I loved. What kind of man did that? No man. A monster.
    “You didn’t shoot me. The monster did. But you did make the decision to put your life on the line so we could be together. So we could love each other.” Elle told me.
    “Yeah,” I whispered.
    “This scar is your love. And it’s my love. J, I tried to live without you. I fucked someone else.”
    Hold the fuck up. “What?” She fucked someone else? And she was telling me? What the fuck. I didn't even know how to process that. I pulled back from her, unsure why she was telling me this, or how I was supposed to act.
    “Yeah. I did. And then I had a panic attack on a bathroom floor.”
    Fuck. I didn't like the idea of her with someone else, but was I a total asshole because I was glad it went poorly? Yes, yes I was. I shouldn't want Elle to be having panic attacks, even if it was after having someone's dick inside her other than mine. Plus, this was Elle, my Elle, and if I stopped and thought about it, the fact that she was trying desperately to go on with her life, that she wasn't going to let anyone stop her from being happy—well, that was one of the many things that made me love her, that made her different from every other woman I'd known. Elle was the real deal Holyfield. She was strong enough to try and move on, and when one way didn't work, she tried another. The other being to go to school in Mexico. Really, who did that? Elle, that's