Free Until There Was You by J.J. Bamber Page A

Nate turned the key in the ignition and drove away from the storage unit.
    As he began to pick up speed, something that Cecily said played in his mind. He could hear Cecily's words clear and crisp, ringing with truth, buzzing with knowledge. I moved back home. I moved back home. I moved back home . Nate felt the words flow through him, as if the universe was commanding his attention, as if it had been whispering to him for a long time and had begun to shout.
    He turned the steering wheel so that the car slipped off the road and pulled onto the shoulder. He kicked down sharply on the brakes and felt the car shudder. The tires slid slightly on the newly wet ground. He held tightly to the steering wheel, trying to steady himself and push aside some of the adrenaline that coursed through his body in the momentary skid. He looked to the back seat to make sure that Bailey hadn't woken. Nate tried to make sense of the thoughts that were drumming through his brain. Nate tried to reconcile the conflicting feelings doing battle inside of him; he really didn't want to listen to what his intuition was telling him, but he knew what had happened the last time he ignored his gut. He looked at the front of his phone and scrolled through the contacts. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Heavy streams of rain began to hammer down on the windscreen, the hollow sound reverberating through the car and sending thin vibrations through his chest.
    "Shit," Nate whispered, pulling his hair back with his right hand. Nate rested his hands together and put them to his ribcage. "God, listen to me. I know I don't ever pray to you and I don't exactly do all the things that the bible tells me to… But I try to be a Good Samaritan and I always help charities and I've never killed anyone. Anyway, I'm sorry I don't pray all that much and that I don't think you exist… But I'm a little bit lost and I need to be found. I need to be found, not only for myself, but also for my son. In fact, mainly for my son—so send me a sign. I'll follow it, if you send me it. I won't even question it. Shit, shit, shit, shit."
    "Daddy… That's not a nice word and I don't like it," Bailey said, yawning and stretching out. He rubbed his eyes with his balled-up fists and smiled. "Why have we stopped? It woke me up."
    "I was just trying to make my mind up about something," Nate said softly, trying hard to hide the uncertainty that he was feeling, trying to be the kind of parent he read about in kid's books.
    "Can I help? I'm a good helper," Bailey said brightly. Nate knew how much Bailey liked acting like a grown up and how he would seize any opportunity to give advice and tell adults how they should behave. Nate liked that Bailey felt excitement and at least a momentary bit of happiness when so many terrible things were on their way.
    "I don't think so, Bay, it's a big-person problem," Nate said, stretching his arm behind his seat so that he could hold Bailey's little, fragile hand.
    "Please, Daddy, Papa is not here to help you, and I am a good helper," Bailey exclaimed, clearly annoyed at having his access to the world of adult decision-making cut short.
    The word 'papa' seemed to haunt the car, hanging in the air stagnant and sad. Nate gathered himself for a beat before he began. "You're right, big guy. You are so smart that I know you can help. So I guess what I want to know is… If you were lost and you didn't know what to do, and you were a little bit sad about something, where would you go?"
    "I would come and talk to you, because you're the parent and I would go home. That's important. If I was lost, I would go home." He looked at Nate cautiously, trying to gauge his reaction, to see whether he had done well.
    Nate smiled widely and clapped his hands together. "That is exactly what I needed to hear… That's very good advice! You don't know what advice is? Well... it's what you just gave. It means that you tell someone the right thing to do." Nate let his voice grow