Free Thousand Words by Jennifer Brown Page B

the table, and she was the closest one to it. This is stupid. I’ve got to go. They’re waiting for me.”
    I laughed, a loud, ugly laugh that made me sound pretty much unhinged. And maybe I was. Maybe I finally had lost it. “I’m sure they are. You’re totally cheating on me, Kaleb.I’m not dumb. How would you like it if I cheated on you? How would you feel if you called and some guy answered my phone?”
    His already steely voice took on a sharp edge. “I can’t even believe you’re being that kind of person.”
    “I’m not!” I shouted, no longer sure what point I was trying to make. I wanted someone to slap their hand over my mouth, to make me stop talking. “I’m trying to show you what it feels like when I call your phone and some girl answers. It feels like crap. You shouldn’t think you’re the only guy who wants me, Kaleb. Because you’re not.” It hurt my own heart to say these things, but my mouth had gotten out of my control and there was no bringing it back now.
    “Okay, fine. Well, if there’s a line at your door, maybe you should go for it. I’m not in high school anymore, and you’re acting like a—”
    “A high schooler?” I interrupted. “Again? Nice. Maybe that’s because I am a high schooler. Which you knew when you started dating me.”
    “No, actually I was going to say you’re acting like a bitch.”
    The wind was sucked out of me. Kaleb had never called me a bitch before. He’d never called me any name before. I didn’t even know what to say. I stood, clutching the phone, my mouth open unbelievingly.
    “I’ve got to go,” he said when I didn’t respond.
    “That’s it? You’re not even going to apologize?”
    “No. Are you?”
    I paused. Did I owe him an apology? Should you be sorry for being upset that your boyfriend is hanging out with girls while he’s away from you? That one of the girls is answering his phone? That you love him so much the idea of losing him hurts as immediately and fully as if you’d already lost him?
    “For what?” I finally said, because I honestly wasn’t sure what he wanted an apology for.
    “For… just… forget it, Ashleigh. I don’t have time for this.”
    “You don’t have time for me, you mean. Because you have Holly to take care of,” I spat. I didn’t want to end the conversation like this. And if the only way I could keep it going was to keep the fight going, so be it. Plus, I was still wounded. I wanted him to feel bad for what he’d said. I wanted him to feel sorry for me.
    “Okay,” he said, “bye. I’ll talk to you in a few days.”
    When he finally called, three days later, he was in his car on the way back to Chesterton for a long weekend. He sounded grim. He said he wanted to see me right away. He said we needed to talk.
    But he didn’t tell me he loved me.
    He didn’t say he was excited to see me.
    Just hung up.

DAY 18
COMMUNITY SERVICE
    The day after Mack bought me Hot Tamales, I brought extra change and bought us both SweeTarts. And the day after that I split a packet of Oreos with him because neither of us had enough coins to get a whole pack to ourselves. And pretty soon it was our thing, to head straight for the candy machines during restroom break, me blinking the glow of the computer screen away in the unlit hallway and him yanking up his perpetually falling-down jeans.
    Every day we met there, and every day we shared a short conversation. But I was always the one doing the talking.
    “Where do you live?” I asked him once.
    “In Chesterton.”
    “Yeah, but where?”
    He laughed and stuffed a palmful of M&M’S into hismouth. “I freaking live here these days.” And then I laughed with him, because I totally felt that way sometimes, too, but I soon found myself laughing alone as he took off toward the classroom again. He did that often—just walked away in the middle of a conversation, leaving me feeling awkward and wondering if I’d said something wrong. This time, though, I followed