Free Castle to Castle by Louis-Ferdinand Céline Page B

newspaper . . . people who can't take it any more give themselves the gas! . . . Not so good! After thirty-five years of practice I can tell you a thing or two . . . they don't always make it . . . far from it! they get revived . . . .they don't die but they suffer plenty . . . on the way out, and on the way back . . . a thousand deaths, a thousand recoveries! and the smell! . . . the neighbors come running! . . . they wreck the joint! if they've stolen too much, fire's the answer! . . . they set fire to the curtains . . . a little more suffering for you . . . asphyxia and burns . . . to cap the climax . . . No, gas is bad business . . . the safest method, take it from me, I've been consulted a hundred times, is a hunting rifle in your mouth! stuck in deep! . . . and bang! . . . you blow your brains out . . . one drawback: the mess! . . . the furniture, the ceiling! brains and blood clots . . . take it from me, I've had ample experience of suicides . . . successful and unsuccessful . . . Prison might help you! that's another way of crossing out your existence! . . . Definitely! the dungeon that annihilates time! . . . suicide little by little . . . but under normal conditions everybody can't do time . . . in Bezons, Sartrouville, or Clichy, for instance . . . ah, and don't forget Siegmaringen! . . . there it was pretty urgent! . . . the lot of them with Article 75 on their ass! . . . urgent, I repeat! they all had good reason! the nabobs of the Castle just as much as the small fry in the attics! . . . a general test of the nerves! . . . the whole planet yapping and yelping . . . reviling them as monsters and worse! . . . one kind of torture wouldn't be enough . . . thousands and thousands . . . and then some . . . for centuries! . . . even my patients at the Fidelis who were practically dead, with the pus pouring out, eaten with mange, spitting up their pancreas and their bowels, asked me for a way to end like in a dream . . . Some dream! The politicos in the Castle, I can tell you, were the most intent . . . how to go about it? Did I know the best way? revolver? . . . cyanide? . . . hanging? . . . Laval, of course, had his own dodge . . . Laval was proud! he wouldn't deign to ask me . . . and look what happened to him . . . cyanide spoiled by moisture . . . he was so smart! how will de Gaulle end? and Mollet? . . . they don't know . . . they go on chewing the fat . . . as for me, I'll finish myself off in the garden . . . out there . . . plenty of room . . . or maybe the cellar would be better? . . . the cellar's a good place too . . . the cat goes down to have her kittens . . . regularly . . . Lili helps her, massages her . . . nobody will help me . . . They won't give Lili any trouble . . . all neat and orderly . . . The police will investigate . . . cause of suicide? . . . neurasthenia . . . I'll leave a letter for the Public Prosecutor and a small sum of money for Lili . . . when I go over the hill . . . Lili won't get much . . . but all the same, enough to live on for two, three years . . . after all the hurricanes, tornadoes, barbarian hordes, looters of every camp, "warrants" and handcuffs . . . if we still have a few cents left . . . it's a miracle! The whole world gone haywire . . . I'd like to have seen Achille in that mess! him and his gang, his pantless Pin-brain-Trust! ,
    Lili fighting the world? . . . I can't quite see it . . . Lili so generous . . . all generosity . . . like a fairy! . . . she'd give everything away . . . but what can I do about it? . . . I've done my best . . . ah . . . "Lavarède and his three sous!"° . . . That was easy! Big deal! Going from one country to another through a thousand terrible adventures . . . my oh my, so he said . . . we say: hill of beans! . . . we went through four ferocious armies! thundering . . . from sky and rails! . . . blasting everything! roasting everything! men, armored trains, babies, mothers-in-law . . . Flying fortresses . . . whole squadrons of them . . .