Free Fat Assassins by Marita Fowler Page A

shaking our hands, his gold bracelets jingled from the enthusiastic shaking. “Come on back and we’ll start your interviews.” 
    The warehouse was abuzz with activity with a hum of female voices from the field of cubicles. 
    “We don’t have your number in the database. Is this your first time calling us? This automatically qualifies you for our newcomer discount.” 
    “Oh yeahhhh, I’ve never had it this good before.....”
    “We really need more people for this to work....”
    “Would you like to charge this to a card or add it to your account?”
    Terry steered us down the middle aisle past dozens of women whispering into headsets. Most of them nodded and smiled at us as we made our way toward two empty cubicles. I’ve never had my own desk, much less my own cubicle. This place kept looking better and better. 
    “There are some how-to guides on the desk. Have a quick look at those and then I’ll let you answer a few calls to see how you do. When you think you’re ready, just put on the headset and hit one of the flashing buttons. I’ll be listening on another line in my office to evaluate your abilities. If you do well, you’re hired.” He walked away leaving us staring at each other. We grabbed the three ring binders and flipped to the first page of rules.
     
    1. Focus on what your customer wants.
    2. Keep your voice low so you don’t interrupt others. 
    3. Never give out your real name or personal information.
    4. Keep it professional.
    5. Only use company approved sounds. 
     
    The last one seemed weird to me and I looked at Ulyssa to see if she was getting weirdo vibes too. Her training manual was closed and she already had her headset on.
    “What are you doing?” I whispered.
    “This is easy. Just talking to folks. I don’t need a manual for that.” She hit the button and mimicked the receptionist's sultry voice. 
    “Good Afternoon! Thanks for calling Dynamic. How may I help you?” She hit mute and flipped through the training manual until she got to the tab marked introduction. “Some of the most popular packages we sell are adventure, athletic, party, massage, and wildlife.” 
    Those sound awesome! I wonder if we get discounts.
    “The adventure package pushes your senses to a new level as you enjoy experiences beyond your wildest dreams . . . Okay, a little too crazy for you . . . .”
    She flipped pages to the next script.
    “How about a party package? You can relive the exciting parts of Spring Break with crazy parties and wild women . . . Great. You’ve selected the Spring Break party option. The pricing plan for this package is fifty-nine ninety-five. Would you like to pay by credit or apply the charges to the account registered with this phone number?” 
    “Since you’ve selected to bill using your phone number, we can proceed with the details of your package without interruption.”
    Wow. Ulyssa was really good at this customer service thing. 
    I kept watching her, trying to pick up some techniques. She flipped to the scripts tab of the manual and started reading the Spring Break script to the caller. 
    “What name would you like to use?”
    “Okay, Dirk. You’ve arrived in Cancun for Spring Break. What do you want to do now? Senor Frog’s for the wet t-shirt contest?” 
    Something seemed a little off kilter about this conversation. What type of company organizes tours for wet t-shirt contests? I guess it makes sense as part of the spring break travel package. Ulyssa furiously scribbled notes on her Dynamic notepad.
    “Well, I have curly, black hair and I’m wearing a white shirt. Why?”
    She stopped writing notes.
    “You’d like to see me in a wet t-shirt? I’m not sure what you’re asking me to do?”
    “You want me to drench myself in water, so you can see my bra through the t-shirt?! Sir, you are out of line! This is a professional establishment!” 
    Terry came running from his office and smacked the hold button on her phone. “You were doing