Free Shafted by Unknown Page B

joking.’ Larry frowned, suddenly sure that they had got him mixed up with someone else. ‘How come? I pay it by direct debit.’
    ‘Apparently not,’ Flood said, shrugging. ‘You’d have had letters telling you that there was a problem, so you could have sorted it out before it got to this. And you’re welcome to appeal, but our order still stands, I’m afraid. You’ll either have to pay, or we’ll have to take goods. Your choice.’
    ‘Oh, I’ll appeal, all right,’ Larry muttered, incensed that the authorities were allowed to raid people’s homes like this when it was obviously their mistake. ‘I still don’t see why it’s so much, though. The council tax is never three grand.’
    ‘No, but they lump the court costs on top of that. Then you’ve got late-payment fees, plus admin charges. And then the bailiff’s fees get whacked on, and every visit we have to make adds a couple of ton.’ Pausing, Flood gave another little shrug. ‘Just the way it works, sir.’
    ‘Jeezus! Talk about a rip-off,’ Larry sniped, taking his debit card out of his wallet and thrusting it at the bailiff.
    Face impassive, Flood slotted it into the machine. He couldn’t count how many times he’d heard those exact same words from disgruntled debtors, and it never ceased to amaze him that people couldn’t seem to grasp that they wouldn’t be in this position if they’d just pay their bills on time. And this guy had less excuse than most, because he was a TV star and must be worth a fortune.
    But then again . . .
    Taking the card out of the reader, he handed it back to Larry.
    ‘Sorry, sir, can’t take this. It’s coming up as insufficient funds.’
    ‘ What? ’Larry yelped, frowning deeply.‘No way! Your thing must be faulty.’
    Assuring him that the machine was in perfect working order, Flood asked if he wanted to try a different card.
    Thrusting a credit card at him now, Larry said, ‘Try that. And if it doesn’t work, it’s definitely your machine.’
    Slotting it in, Flood extracted it after a moment and shook his head.
    ‘You’re kidding me!’ Larry murmured, the blood draining from his face. ‘Look, do me a favour and wait while I ring the bank, will you?’
    ‘As long as it doesn’t take too long,’ Baron piped up, glancing pointedly at his watch. ‘We haven’t got all day, you know.’
    Giving him a dirty look, Larry went into the bedroom and closed the door to make his call in private.
    ‘I’m sorry, Mr Logan, but the figures are perfectly correct,’ the bank’s branch manager told him patiently, after ten minutes of Larry arguing that they had made a mistake at their end, or that somebody must have been illegally accessing his account. ‘I have the full read-out of this year’s movements on the screen, and there is nothing out of the ordinary about it. Apart from your mortgage repayments – which, incidentally, I was about to write to you about, because I’m concerned that you won’t be able to meet them after this next one, given that you’ve had no money paid into your account for so long – you seem to have spent the bulk of the rest in . . . let me see now . . . ah, yes, here we are . . . Bargain Booze; Oddbins;The Balti Palace; and Asda 24.
    ‘Now, about the mortgage repayments,’ he went on, as Larry sat on the bed in stunned silence. ‘Shall I pencil you in for a meeting on the third of next month . . . ?’
    Coming back into the lounge at last, Larry’s face told a clear enough story for the bailiffs to know that he’d been unsuccessful.
    ‘Is there someone who could pay it for you while you get it sorted?’ Flood suggested as Baron immediately resumed his efforts to remove the TV’s holding panel. ‘A friend, or a family member?’
    Larry shook his head. He had no friends, and he’d disowned his family years ago when his rise to fame had turned them into a pack of vultures, forever trying to get their dirty, lazy hands on his money. So they wouldn’t