protection
The world is scary
Don’t go out
You are weak
Don’t care so much
They’re only animals
Don’t be so intense
Don’t cry so much
You can’t trust anyone
Don’t talk to strangers
People will take advantage of you
Close your legs
Girls aren’t good with:
Numbers
Facts
Making difficult decisions
Lifting things
Putting things together
International news
Flying planes
Being in charge.
If he rapes you, surrender,
you will get killed trying to defend yourself
Don’t travel alone
You are nothing without a man
Don’t make the first move, wait for him to notice you
Don’t be too loud
Follow the crowd
Obey the laws
Don’t know too much
Tone it down
Find someone rich
It’s how you look that matters, not what you think.
HERE’S WHAT I’M TELLING YOU:
Everyone’s making everything up
There is no one in charge except for
those who pretend to be
No one is coming
No one is going to
Rescue you
Mind-read your needs
Know your body better than you
Always fight back
Ask for it
Say you want it
Cherish your solitude
Take trains by yourself to places
you have never been
Sleep out alone under the stars
Learn how to drive a stick shift
Go so far away that you stop being afraid of
not coming back
Say no when you don’t want to do something
Say yes if your instincts are strong
even if everyone around you disagrees
Decide whether you want to be liked or admired
Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out
what you’re doing here
Believe in kissing
Fight for tenderness
Care as much as you do
Cry as much as you want
Insist the world be theater
and love the drama
Take your time
Move as fast as you do
as long as it’s your speed.
Ask yourself these questions:
Why am I whispering when I have something to say?
Why am I adding a question mark at the end
of all my sentences?
Why am I apologizing every time I express my needs?
Why am I hunching over?
Starving myself when I love food?
Pretending it doesn’t mean that much to me?
Hurting myself when I mean to scream?
Why am I waiting
Whining
Pining
Fitting in?
You know the truth:
Sometimes it does hurt that much
Horses can feel love
Your mother wanted more than that
It’s easier to be mean than smart
But that isn’t who you are.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I want to thank the following people who have either read, edited, or nurtured
Emotional Creature
into being: Allison Prouty, Amy Squires, Beth Dozoretz, Brian McLendon, Cari Ross, Carol Gilligan, Cecile Lipworth, Christine Schuler Deschryver, Diana DeVegh, Donna Karan, Emily Scott Pottruck, Elizabeth Lesser, George Lane, Golzar Selbe, Ilene Chaiken, James Lecesne, Jane Fonda, Kate Fisher, Judy Corcoran, Kate Medina, Katherine McFate, Kerry Washington, Kim Guzowski, Laura Waleryszak, Linda Pope, Marie Cecile Renauld, Mark Matousek, Mellody Hobson, Meredith Kaffel, Molly Kawachi, Nancy Rose, Naomi Klein, Nicoletta Billi, Nikki Noto, Pat Mitchell, Paula Allen, Purva Panday, Rada Boric, Rosario Dawson, Salma Hayek, Shael Norris, Sheryl Sandberg, Susan Swan.
I thank Frankie Jones for her guidance and faith in this book and Jill Schwartzman for jumping in with such energy and care.
I thank Charlotte Sheedy for being in my corner for over thirty years, for her fierceness and love.
I thank Kim Rosen for long nights and listening again and again, and Tony Montenieri for his constancy and profound attention.
I thank my son, Dylan, for freeing my heart, and my mother, Chris, for bringing me here.
I would like to thank the brave and brilliant girls around the world who inspired this book.
I would also like to thank a group of brilliant women who so generously gave of themselves to shape the curriculum that will one day accompany this book.
V-GIRLS ADVISORY CIRCLE
Lyn Mikel Brown
Jule Jo Ramirez
Marie Celestin
Lillian Rivera
Carol Gilligan
Sil Reynolds
Lynda Kennedy
Deborah Tolman
Kelly Kinnish
Niobe Way
Michele