Free Shelter by Ashley John Page B

with Ellie.”
    “Ellie?” it was her turn to laugh.
    “Yes, Ellie. My twin sister. You remember her? Same stick up her ass as you? Similar haircut and the same taste in clothes that makes grown men quiver in their boots.”
    His mother’s gaze darkened as they hovered awkwardly by the door. He wanted so badly to leave, if only to escape the awkwardness. Elias knew his mother as well as he knew a stranger walking by him on the street. The mother he had grown up with was always on the local news or on the front page of the newspaper. That version of his mother always had a smile on her face. Elias had always wished that version would be the one to come home at the end of the day.
    “You’re not destroying that new apartment, are you?” the judgment was loud and clear in her voice.
    “It’s clean. Me and Caden spent hours cleaning the other -,” Elias stopped mid-sentence, unsure of why.
    “Caden?” she said, “Is that one of your friends?”
    By ‘ friends ’, Elias knew she meant ‘ drug dealing scumbags who keep making my life so difficult ’.
    “He’s the support worker from Helping Hands Outreach.”
    “Oh.”
    His mother frowned again and he was sure it was because of how casually he was talking about Caden. She wasn’t happy unless they were rubbing against each other like two pieces of sandpaper. The fact he didn’t totally hate his support worker seemed to ruffle her perfectly groomed feathers.
    “Is he helping?” her red nail circled around Elias’ face.
    She wants to know if I’m getting help? Ha, that’s new.
    “If you mean, have I been using, I haven’t.”
    “Why?” she cocked her head back.
    Part of Elias was shocked that she would ask that question but another part of Elias totally expected it. Unsure of how to answer because he didn’t know himself, he took this as his signal to leave the awkward conversation.
    When another wave of people opened the door and attempted to squeeze around them, he backed away with them, “I’d like to say it was nice chatting, but it never is.”
    Back out in the open space, he wanted to feel his lungs open, but they didn’t. The effect his mother had on him was like being bit by a venomous snake. Just breathing in her air made every craving for every dangerous substance he had ever taken rise to the surface.
    Before he headed back to his apartment, he stole a glance through the coffee shop window. He wasn’t sure if he was expecting to see his mom staring back at him, but she wasn’t. Somehow, she was already at the front of the growing line, with her cellphone sandwiched between her ear and shoulder as she struggled to pull cash out of her wallet.
    Taking his time to walk across town, Elias headed down to the docks. The boats were all out at sea. It made him think about the Lobster Festival and how much he was looking forward to seeing Caden again. The excitement was foreign. He had only ever looked forward to seeing somebody when they were handing over a little bag filled with white powder. Walking slowly along the edge of the sidewalk, teetering toward the beach below, he wished he had taken the chance to tell Caden about his sexuality when the opportunity had been there. You’re only making things more awkward for yourself.
    After a quick reminder that he was a twenty-six-year-old man, he kicked an empty soda can down to the dirty colored tiny strip of sand below before turning in the direction of the bakery.
    Peering through the bakery window, he looked at the display behind the counter. His stomach, which was only filled with coffee, rumbled loudly. Elias was far from being able to look after himself. Regular mealtimes and feeding himself was something he had never been good at. In rehab, you get your three meals served to you at the right time but most of the time, you’re too out of it to even care. When you’re begging on the streets for change, food is always on the bottom of the list of priorities. The rehab had worked out his