Free A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby K. Payne Page A

programs are available to teach peer negotiation. It is important that, as part of the negotiation, the culture of origin is not denigrated, but rather the ability to negotiate is seen as a survival tool for the work and school setting.

    Adapted from the work of Eric Berne
    Quit picking on me.
    You don't love me.
    You want me to leave.
    Nobody likes (loves) me.
    I hate you.
    You're ugly.
    THE CHILD VOICE
    Defensive, victimized, emotional, whining, losing attitude, strongly negative non-verbal.
    You make me sick.
    It's your fault.
    ? Don't blame me.
    She, he, did it.
    You make me mad.
    You made me do it.
The child voice is also playful, spontaneous, curious, etc. The phrases listed often occur in conflictual or manipulative situations and impede resolution.

    THE PARENT VOICE * **
    Authoritative, directive, judgmental, evaluative, win-lose mentality, demanding, punitive, sometimes threatening.
• You shouldn't (should) do that.
It's wrong (right) to do
That's stupid, immature, out of line, ridiculous.
Life's not fair. Get busy.
You are good, bad, worthless, beautiful (any judgmental, evaluative comment).
a You do as I say.
If you weren't so , this wouldn't happen to you.
Why can't you be like ?
* The parent voice can also be very loving and supportive. The phrases listed usually occur during conflict and impede resolution.
** The internal parent voice can create shame and guilt.
    THE ADULT VOICE
    Non-judgmental, free of negative non-verbal, factual, often in question format, attitude of win-win.
In what ways could this be resolved?

• I would like to recommend
What are choices in this situation?
I am comfortable (uncomfortable) with
Options that could be considered are

These are the consequences of that choice/action
We agree to disagree.
    USING METAPHOR STORIES
    Another technique for working with students and adults is to use a metaphor story. A metaphor story will help an individual voice issues that affect subsequent actions. A metaphor story does not have any proper names in it and goes like this.
    A student keeps going to the nurse's office two or three times a week. There is nothing wrong with her. Yet she keeps going. Adult says to Jennifer, the girl, "Jennifer, I am going to tell a story and I need you to help me. It's about a fourth-grade girl much like yourself. I need you to help me tell the story because I'm not in fourth grade.
    "Once upon a time there was a girl who went to the nurse's office. Why did the girl go to the nurse's office? (Because she thought there was something wrong with her.) So the girl went to the nurse's office because she thought there was something wrong with her. Did the nurse find anything wrong with her? (No, the nurse did not.) So the nurse did not find anything wrong with her, yet the girl kept going to the nurse. Why did the girl keep going to the nurse? (Because she thought there was something wrong with her.) So the girl thought something was wrong with her. Why did the girl think there was something wrong with her? (She saw a TV show ... )"
    The story continues until the reason for the behavior is found, and then the story needs to end on a positive note. "So she went to the doctor, and he gave her tests and found that she was OK."
    This is an actual case. What came out in the story was that Jennifer had seen a TV show in which a girl her age had died suddenly and had never known she was ill. Jennifer's parents took her to the doctor, he ran tests, and he told her she was fine. So she didn't go to the nurse's office anymore.
    A metaphor story is to be used one on one when there is a need to understand the existing behavior and motivate the student to implement the appropriate behavior.

    TEACHING HIDDEN RULES
    For example, if a student from poverty laughs when he/she is disciplined, the teacher needs to say, "Do you use the same rules to play all computer games? No, you don't because you would lose. The same is true at school. There are street rules and there are school rules.