Free Into the Deep by Lauryn April Page B

abilities turned off while Mom scooped lasagna onto Sadie’s plate and I waited for the spatula to be free. I was surprised at how easy it was to keep their thoughts out. It was like I had been standing in a bright room before, the lights there were so strong that I was blinded by them. They had hurt my eyes and strained my senses and then after meditating it was as if someone had led my hand to the light switch and I flipped it off. I just had to be shown where the switch was and then I knew where to find it from then on out. After discovering how to turn the lights on and off, I could do it with ease.
     So I left the lights off and had a normal dinner with my family. I listened to Sadie talk about her day in Mrs. Dean’s third grade class and the sound of my father’s deep voice as he laughed. Sadie had been telling a story about finger painting with a boy named Billy Frank in art class which my father had found quite funny. The sound of his voice was comforting. I realized then how little I’d heard it lately. Mom smiled as well, seeming just as happy as the rest of us that he was there. She talked about a house she was trying to sell and tried to convince my dad that they should remodel the kitchen. I gave an update to my parents about school and my grades, as well as slyly snuck in a comment about the winter formal and the need to go dress shopping. All together it was a nice dinner; it made me feel connected with my family, made me feel normal.
     Then my father’s phone rang. I watched him pull it out of his pocket and couldn’t help but hit the switch in my mind. I turned the lights on and as he looked at his phone his thoughts channeled into my head.
     Liz, he thought reading the text on his phone. I’m missing you too, babe.
     My brow creased and my lips bowed down into a frown as he slid the phone back into his pocket. I shut the light back off and it felt like a door slamming shut in my mind. My nice, normal family dinner shattered, sending shards of my broken respect raining down around me. I didn’t want to hear anything else.
     “Who was that?” my mom asked him.
     “John from work, he needs me back there for an hour or so tonight.”
     Liar , I thought wanting to scream it out loud. My stomach flipped and I felt like I wanted to vomit.
     “Oh really?” I could tell my mom was disappointed.
     “Yeah, I’m sorry honey, I’ll be back before you go to bed, promise.”
     He wouldn’t be back before she went to sleep. I would wait up that night to see.
     “Least you’re home for dinner daddy,” Sadie said before shoveling another fork full of saucy pasta into her mouth.
     I looked at her. She was so innocent and unassuming with her bright eyes and sauce covered grin, looking at our father like he were some kind of superhero just for making it to dinner. I looked at Mom. She was disappointed but still blissfully unaware of what Dad was really leaving to do that night. And just what was he leaving to do, I wondered? He was going to see a woman named Liz, but that didn’t have to mean that he was having an affair. He was just going to see a woman, a woman that he called ‘babe’; a woman that he missed, that he lied about. I bit down hard on my next bite of lasagna, grinding my teeth together and trying to push the thoughts away.
     I thought about never opening my mind up again after that. I thought about leaving the lights off permanently, about smashing the bulbs, or ripping out all of the wiring and living in the dark. Not that I could. Instead I was silent the rest of dinner and kept my eyes drawn down at my plate.
     I went to my room after Mom had gone to bed. The small TV that sat atop my dresser was off but I spent an hour staring at it, watching the numbers turn on the digital clock of cable box.
     
T he next day Mom drove me to school as my Scion had spent the last two nights in the student