Free The Dead Fathers Club by Matt Haig Page A

things like you cant steal. But he steals. He steals people. He stole Dad and he let Mum die and he saw her in pain and he saw her praying and he didnt do anything. God just looks down at people asking him for help and he doesnt do anything because he knows if they are hurt theyll want to believe in him more and you wouldnt like a person like that so why like him just because hes God?
    I said Your dad likes him.
    She said He wants to think Mums in Heaven.
    I said Do you think that?
    She said Sometimes. Do you think your dad is in Heaven?
    I said No not yet.
    She said What do you mean?
    I said Ive got to do something first.
    She said What do you mean? Like say prayers or something?
    The words were itchy behind my mouth and I wanted to let them out and I wanted to tell her. But I knew she might talk me out of it and I couldnt let Dad have the Terrors for ever so I said Something like that.
    She stopped the questions and jumped off her bed and said Wait there.
    She came back ten seconds later and she had a cigarette in her hands and I said Where you get that?
    She said Its Danes.
    Then she held out a clear blue cigarette lighter and she said We can smoke it out the window.
    I said We cant.
    She said Why? Who says? God?
    I said Your dad might find us.
    She said So? He wouldnt even notice.
    And I wondered if you die when you are 11 and you smoke but Leah was already pulling the window up and the cigarette was in her mouth not lit up and the wind was cold outside cold cold COLD so I kept my coat on and Leah put her coat on with the fur round the hood. She put the hood up so she looked like a kind of animal like something that climbs trees.
    And she put the top half of her out of the window and lit the cigarette and from the coldness she said Come on.
    So I put the top half of me out of the window as well with my knees on her bed and we looked out at Newark and the church lit up in the dark with its point like a dagger coming out of the Earth from inside.
    I looked at the Man in the Moon with his sad face looking down and Leah said Your go.
    She gave me the cigarette and I pinched it between my fingers and she laughed and she said Youre funny.
    I sucked the brown end and sucked the lava smoke and it tasted of lorries and gardens mixed up. It burnt inside me and it made lots of coughs but when I stopped coughing I sucked it again so Leah didnt think I was a baby. I kept the coughs locked in my mouth and gave the cigarette back and looked at town again and the lights like gold eyes.
    Leah said Do you like Newark?
    I said I dont know.
    I wanted to say more but I was feeling sick.
    Leah said When Im old Im going to live in New Zealand where my aunt lives. She lives by the sea.
    My skin itched and my smelly tongue itched and the sickness climbed up pushing burps and I said The sea.
    And Leah said Dads not took us on holiday since Mum died. The last one we did was Rhodes.
    My itchy tongue said I went to Rhodes I went to Rhodes I went with Dad.
    Leah looked at me and said Youre a ghost.
    I said What?
    Leah said Your face is like white.
    I said Im not a ghost.
    Leah said You going to be sick?
    I said No.
    Leah said You sure?
    I said Yes.
    I looked away from the smoke and in the sky I saw white lines flying to me and they stopped and then it was Dads Ghost floating in the air.
    He said It is too much Philip. Its too much. Philip the Terrors are too much. You have to help me Philip. You have to help me.
    I threw up sweet white sick out of the window and I said with sick strings on my mouth Sorry Im sorry.
    She dropped the cigarette a falling red star and said Its OK Ill get some water or something.

The Dog Noises
    I woke up in the night and I heard a noise like a dog crying. I lay in bed in the dark and I wondered what the noises were. I listened and there was the bubble of the fish tank and the dog noises coming out of the wall. When I listened hard they sounded like Mum but weird like she was crying backwards.
    I looked round the room and