Free How to Help a Friend in an Abusive Relationship: What You Need to Know About Domestic Violence by Donna J. Farris Page A

days I don’t know if I will make it one more
day.”
    4- “After years of visits to
emergency rooms, reconstructive surgeries, dislocated shoulders,
and more black eyes than I can remember, I finally filed felony
assault charges against my husband only to drop them when he agreed
to pastoral counseling. But during the counseling session, the
pastor continually avoided the issue of spousal abuse so evident
within our marriage. Instead, he focused on what my role as a wife
was. He told me to submit to my husband and try not to ‘set him
off.’ The pastor also indicated that I was expecting too much of my
husband. Yet in all those visits, the pastor never told my husband
about his biblical responsibility to love and care for me. And not
once did the pastor ever reprimand my husband for his violence, ask
him to step down from his leadership position, or refer him to a
batterer’s program. I left those counseling sessions feeling empty,
believing God did not care for me at all...[Removing an eye patch
which revealed a badly swollen eye and bruised face she asked], ‘I
truly hate him for hurting me like this, but what if I really do
burn in hell for breaking up my marriage? And I ask you, could hell
be any worse than having to live like this?’”
     
     
    Chapter 1 - Statistics on Domestic
Violence
    Victims of abuse:
    ***Domestic violence kills four and a half
million women every year.
    ***A woman is beaten every 9 seconds. [NBC Nightly News, NBC television network, October, 1996; Domestic Violence, documentary series segment on The
Justice Files , Discovery Channel, 1998; and The Facts :
Family Violence Prevention website.]
    ***Domestic violence is the leading cause of
injury to women between the ages of 15-44 in the United States -
more than car accidents, muggings, rapes and cancer combined. [ Journal of The American Medical Association , Surgeon
General, United States Public Health Services, 276, no. 23 (June
17, 1992), 3132.]
    ***Battering is considered a misdemeanor in
most states rather than a felony. Yet injuries suffered by battered
women are at least as serious as injuries suffered in 90 percent of
violent felony crimes. [ The Gender Bias Committee’s Domestic
Violence Study, by Joan Zorza, The National Coalition Against
Domestic Violence Fact Sheet, 1989.]
    ***The former United States Surgeon General,
C. Everett Koop, labeled domestic violence the “number one health
problem in America.” [Televised news conference from the White
House, Washington, D.C., CBS television network, March 1,
1989.]
    ***A national crime survey labeled the
American home at night the most dangerous place to be and the most
likely setting for homicide to occur. [ Battered Into
Submission , James and Phyllis Alsdurf, Wipf and Stock
Publishers, 1998.]
    ***Domestic Violence is the most
underreported crime in America. Only ten percent of all domestic
violence incidents are ever reported. [ Report on Domestic
Violence: Net Benefits Cause of the Month, United States
Federal Bureau of Investigation website:
www.netbenefits.com/causes/html.]
    *** Violence occurs on a regular, ongoing
basis in 24-30 percent of all homes in America. [ Fact Sheet
- Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence , website:
www.psynet.net/ccav, 1998.]
    ***Up to thirty-five percent of the women who
visit emergency rooms are there for injuries related to ongoing
abuse. [ The Journal of American Medical Association ,
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Fact Sheet, 1990.]
    ***Contrary to the belief that domestic
violence works both ways, in 95% of all domestic violence assaults,
crimes are committed by men against women. [ Battered But Not
Broken , Patricia Riddle Gaddis, Judson Press, 1996.]
    ***About 75% of the calls to law enforcement
for intervention and assistance in domestic violence occur after
separation from batterers. One study revealed that half of the
homicides of female spouses and partners were committed by men
after separation from their