Free Falling for Summer by Kailin Gow Page B

total privacy with Astor, but I’m stuck since Drew is holding onto one of my legs, and I’m still wearing practically nothing.
    “Astor,” I say. “I’m so sorry you called right now and have to hear all this, but honestly, I can’t be in a committed relationship with you right now. I just can’t. It’s too soon, and I don’t know if I can be everything you want me to be for you right now. I have so much to deal with, and right now, I can’t even think of dealing with anyone else’s issues.”
    “Is this really how you feel?” Astor asks. “Because I can take it slow. I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not prepared for. You know that, Summer. You understand me so well.”
    “Astor,” I take a deep breath. “This is how I really feel. I care for you, and I won’t ever not be there for you, but right now, I can’t be there for you as your girlfriend.”
    “Oh God,” Astor says. “I’m losing you. Does it matter if I fly out there tonight and see you? I want to so badly to see you so we can have this conversation in person, not over the phone like this.”
    “I know,” I say. “But it won’t matter. I need some time for myself right now, that’s all.”
    There’s silence at the other end of the phone for a minute. “Okay,” Astor says. “I see. I’m not going to push it, Summer, but if you change your mind, you know where you can get me.” I hear the phone cut off, and when Drew take it out of my hand to place in his pants pocket, I feel so sad that I’m on the verge of tears. Did I just break up with Astor?
    “Drew,” I say leaning into his chest as he steps in front of me. “I think I just broke up with Astor. I don’t know. For months, we’ve seen each other a few times and then besides from me flying up to see him on location, we haven’t spent much time together. I don’t even know if we were together as a couple, although some of the paparazzi who took pictures of us, classified us that way in some of those tabloids.”
    “Shhh,” Drew says, bringing one finger to my lips to hush me. “It’s over, and you did it for a reason. Now don’t worry about it and try to relax.”
    “I feel so bad, I feel as though I’ve just committed an awful sin. But I can’t stay this way forever, can’t be so nice to everyone, especially to Astor or you or Nat. To be fair. I can’t be this nice girl all the time and try to not hurt anyone’s feelings…” I look at Drew then and say, “When you became Drew, who didn’t care what anyone thinks bad boy Drew, how did it make you feel?”
    “Like I can finally listen to what I want, go after what I want?” Drew says. “Only I went to the extreme of that, sometimes hurting those I care about like Rachel and you because of it…so I changed, to be the kind of guy you and Rachel would be proud of.”
    “Drew, I do admit to liking the way you are now a lot more because it’s the Drew I remember from happier times, but I’ve always loved you for who you are in any way that you are. Good boy, bad boy, any kind of boy…as long as you’re still Drew.”
    Drew gives me a wry smile and asks, “How does it feel to tell Astor how you feel? To be a ‘bad girl’ for the first time and actually be true to your feelings?”
    “Relieved,” I say. “But I did care for him a lot, and I still do, only I can’t be in a relationship like that right now, one that’s in the spotlight, high pressure, and stressful. The last thing I need right now is a relationship where I’m in the spotlight too. I want some time alone and to process everything that’s been happening to me, and being in a relationship with Astor like that only complicates things.”
    “So what do you want right now?” Drew asks. “What kind of relationship do you want right now?”
    “I can’t handle anymore emotions or complications,” I say truthfully. “I wish I can be just like those girls you used to sleep with, Drew, those girls who hand you their