Free Love in a Headscarf by Shelina Janmohamed Page A

guests, weddings typically took place either in the mosque or in a large community hall. The weddings that I went to were usually segregated, with men gathering around the groom and his family on one side, and women unveiled in all their finery on the other. I loved the clothes that we wore. They were always in beautiful bright colors like crimson, pink, turquoise, emerald, and purple, and embroidered with sparkling sequins, crystals, and beads. They looked even more exquisite as they were made of luxurious feminine fabrics like silk, chiffon, and georgette. I would wear a shalwar kameez or, when I was still a young girl, a small blouse with a skirt. The older girls and women would wear glamorous lenghas , which were heavily beaded silk bodices and long princess-like skirts. I wanted to wear these beautiful fairy-tale clothes too. I longed even more to wear a sari, which the women wore so elegantly and which flattered their curves, but young girls did not wear saris. I would have to wait till I was grown up.
    The bride would enter the hall accompanied by her matron of honor, her veil hanging low over her face so she could barely be seen. Her hands and feet were exquisitely decorated with henna. Some brides wore red outfits; in our tradition we wore white. She might choose to wear a traditional sari, or if she was more “modern” she would wear a lengha . When I was a child I would race to line the bride’s path along with the other young girls so that I could look at her bridal outfit, and see how enchanting she looked. I would then race back to my mother’s side and gasp, “She’s so beautiful! Can I have an outfit like that?” and my mother would respond, “Yes, of course! Yours will be even more beautiful.”
    The wedding ceremony began with a khutba , a short lecture given by the Imam or Shaikh, which was usually spent explaining the virtues of marriage. They reminded us that according to the Prophet, getting married meant you would “complete half your faith,” adding his words, “Whoever rejects marriage is not from me.”
    The marriage would then be conducted. Both the bride and groom would usually ask someone to represent them to participate in the nikah , the Islamic marriage ceremony. The bride’s side took the first step in the ceremony by asking if the groom would accept her in marriage. This was to ensure that the bride was there of her own free will. The groom’s side would respond by accepting. The Arabic words were usually used for this exchange. The bride said “ Ankahtu ,” I make myself your spouse, and the groom replied, “ Qabiltu ,” I accept. As part of the marriage, the groom would give a gift to the bride, called the mahr. This was usually a small amount of money, as a token of the groom’s affection, for when the two of them started their new life. The bride would tell the groom what she wanted the gift to be—and it could be anything, from teaching a skill, to a vacation, to a car, absolutely anything at all. Finally, the Imam would recite a prayer to bless the newly married couple. The whole marriage only took a few moments.
    According to the Qur’an, God would put mercy and love between the couple. The Qur’an talks about this love with a special reverence, describing it with a sense of purity and spirituality that was dearer and sweeter than ordinary romantic love. This love, muwaddah , was reserved for those in a committed relationship and was a special gift for those who made that commitment. This is why I wanted to get married: in return for commitment, faith, and dedication, there was a guarantee that love would definitely come after marriage, and that love would be sweet, kind, and compassionate. Love and marriage were like, well, a horse and carriage. Or was that a carriage and a horse?
    Before the wedding itself, there would be several celebrations held by the women of the two families. My recollections as a young girl are of sitting at such gatherings listening